Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God". This is hard for a person like me who is a planner. I have calendars all over the place and always have things scheduled out. Well...God is teaching me that I need to be still and wait to hear from Him, trusting that He has the very best for me.
It will be 5 weeks tomorrow since my surgery. I can't believe how well the recovery is going. Other than a little soreness, I feel like I am almost back to normal, especially with my strength and energy. I got my first drain out after one week, and the second one out a week later. That was a big accomplishment! Once the drains were out, I started feeling like a whole person. Some things I hope I will never again take for granted are: the use of my arms, being able to sit up from a lying down position, standing under a hot shower...
During this season of recovery, I am realizing that God wants me healthy in every way--spiritually, emotionally, relationally, and physically. Those all go hand in hand. Right now I am able to spend more time in His Word than ever before. I started walking daily to get my physical strength back, but I have discovered that it is also a great way to grow emotionally and spiritually. In the first week after surgery I could only make it about a half a block. Soon I was able to push it to a block...then 30 minutes a day. Now I am walking an hour a day. It is a blessing to have the energy to do that.
Cancer can take a toll on a person's emotions. Even though I know what the bible says about worry and anxiety I can find myself getting caught up in thoughts that are not healthy, thoughts that will send me on a downward spiral...such as worrying that the cancer isn't gone, or that I will never get back to work, or that I am going to be blindsided again health-wise. A friend of mine has given me some very good advice. She says "Don't let 'cancer' get into your head". When I realize that I am letting it get into my head, I have to literally take the thoughts captive and cast them out as Paul says in 2 Corinthians 10:5, "...take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ". Taking your thoughts captive is truly a physical discipline. We have to be very intentional about it and do it over and over again until it becomes habit. I picture myself literally catching the negative thought in my hands and throwing it away, then replace it with thoughts that are obedient to Christ.
So, where I am at in this journey physically...I am done with chemotherapy. My body had good response to the chemo but not "complete" response. My oncologist said that only 20% of people have "complete" response. That is why we do the next steps. Surgery is done. The final pathology showed that the tumors had shrunk down significantly, the skin was negative, however, the two lymph nodes that were removed were positive. Therefore, I will be seeing the radiation oncologist today for her recommendation on radiation therapy. My oncologist says that with my complete treatment plan (chemotherapy, mastectomy, radiation therapy, weekly Herceptin infusions for a year, daily Arimidex pill for 5 years) puts me in the 90% bracket for no re-occurance. Praise God!
This opportunity for rest and refocusing is a blessing. My family is amazing! My friends are incredibly supportive. My husband and I have had the opportunity to visit churches in our valley and I am so thrilled to see what God is doing everywhere. Psalm 46 starts out with "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble", and ends with "The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress". Verse 10 says "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth". Sometimes our calendars and plans need to be put aside and we need to be still and know that He is God. He is completely in control and I, for one, am resting in that.
May God bless you.
Jane
Monday, August 13, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
One week post op!
I can't believe it has been a whole week since my surgery! My recovery is going well--All praise to God!
As my son, Pat, said last week, the surgery went well. We arrived at the hospital at 9:00 am, got checked in and then I was sent to Nuclear Medicine. The radiologist had to inject an isotope into me so the surgeon would be able to track the lymphatic system and remove my "sentinel lymph node". This node had to be sent to pathology after surgery. I must say--OUCH! that procedure hurt. The radiologist was super nice and apologetic, but I am praising God is was a short procedure because it wasn't fun:)
Back to my preop room I went. I was so impressed with the facility and staff at Loma Linda Murrieta. They welcome family to be with the patient. They never made us feel like we were an inconvenience. I felt like I received the ultimate in good care. Did you know that hospitals now have a way for the patient to control the temperature in their own personal space??? Inside the gown I had on, there is a pocket which has an air-hose connected to it. The nurse gave me a temperature control device that I could turn to warmer or cooler depending on how I felt. That controlled the temperature of the air going into my gown! Awesome!
The surgeons were running a little behind, so my surgery start time was delayed. I think the hardest part about waiting was the fact that I couldn't have even water all day. I think I went to surgery at about 2:00, so I was happy to go to sleep. (That's one way to escape from thirst).
Next thing I knew, I woke up in this beautiful room that looked like the Marriott and my family was all there surrounding me. What a wonderfully welcome sight! The night went well, and the next day went well. I was discharged home, and left after I ate my first solid meal around 6:00 pm. The surgeons stressed the importance of going home as soon as possible because of the risk of contracting infection in the hospital. They explained that it would be much better to get home as soon as I was physically able. My husband and a wonderful friend who is an RN took very good care of me. I am blessed with amazing family and friends. All of my needs--physical, emotional, and spiritual are cared for. God is so faithful. He has carried me through this second big segment of my journey.
Now I am one week post op. I haven't had any actual "pain", I just experience soreness and discomfort. I have two drains that are doing well and the amount is decreasing. I think that is a really good sign...I'll know more tomorrow after I see the Plastic Surgeon. I am hoping that he will remove the drains, but I have a feeling he might leave them a while longer. I will be happy if he at least allows me to remove the ace wrap that has me feeling like a sausage. Now I know how ladies used to feel when they wore "girdles":)
Thank you so much for your continued faithful prayer. God is answering. He is carrying us through this time. I was blessed with coming through chemotherapy healthy and strong. God was truly the Great Physician in the operating room last week. He guided the surgeons' hands and I am healing at a remarkable rate. Please pray that my body continues to heal and that I don't develop any infections. My strength is coming back and I am anxious to get the "OK" to use my arms.
I know He has great plans, so even when we go through storms we have to rejoice and know that HE is in control.
God bless you,
Jane
As my son, Pat, said last week, the surgery went well. We arrived at the hospital at 9:00 am, got checked in and then I was sent to Nuclear Medicine. The radiologist had to inject an isotope into me so the surgeon would be able to track the lymphatic system and remove my "sentinel lymph node". This node had to be sent to pathology after surgery. I must say--OUCH! that procedure hurt. The radiologist was super nice and apologetic, but I am praising God is was a short procedure because it wasn't fun:)
Back to my preop room I went. I was so impressed with the facility and staff at Loma Linda Murrieta. They welcome family to be with the patient. They never made us feel like we were an inconvenience. I felt like I received the ultimate in good care. Did you know that hospitals now have a way for the patient to control the temperature in their own personal space??? Inside the gown I had on, there is a pocket which has an air-hose connected to it. The nurse gave me a temperature control device that I could turn to warmer or cooler depending on how I felt. That controlled the temperature of the air going into my gown! Awesome!
The surgeons were running a little behind, so my surgery start time was delayed. I think the hardest part about waiting was the fact that I couldn't have even water all day. I think I went to surgery at about 2:00, so I was happy to go to sleep. (That's one way to escape from thirst).
Next thing I knew, I woke up in this beautiful room that looked like the Marriott and my family was all there surrounding me. What a wonderfully welcome sight! The night went well, and the next day went well. I was discharged home, and left after I ate my first solid meal around 6:00 pm. The surgeons stressed the importance of going home as soon as possible because of the risk of contracting infection in the hospital. They explained that it would be much better to get home as soon as I was physically able. My husband and a wonderful friend who is an RN took very good care of me. I am blessed with amazing family and friends. All of my needs--physical, emotional, and spiritual are cared for. God is so faithful. He has carried me through this second big segment of my journey.
Now I am one week post op. I haven't had any actual "pain", I just experience soreness and discomfort. I have two drains that are doing well and the amount is decreasing. I think that is a really good sign...I'll know more tomorrow after I see the Plastic Surgeon. I am hoping that he will remove the drains, but I have a feeling he might leave them a while longer. I will be happy if he at least allows me to remove the ace wrap that has me feeling like a sausage. Now I know how ladies used to feel when they wore "girdles":)
Thank you so much for your continued faithful prayer. God is answering. He is carrying us through this time. I was blessed with coming through chemotherapy healthy and strong. God was truly the Great Physician in the operating room last week. He guided the surgeons' hands and I am healing at a remarkable rate. Please pray that my body continues to heal and that I don't develop any infections. My strength is coming back and I am anxious to get the "OK" to use my arms.
I know He has great plans, so even when we go through storms we have to rejoice and know that HE is in control.
God bless you,
Jane
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Out Of Surgery!
She made it! This is her son, Pat, filling in for tonights installment of Jane's Journey. Today went over very well. The only hick up was that the doctors ran about two hours late. The surgery was at the new Loma Linda Hospital in Menifee. Let me tell you, that is one real nice place. The facility is increadable, and staff was super nice. They finally got her rolled out of surgery around 7:30 in the evening, and into her recovery room by 8:30 where, at that time she could see visitors and finally get her long awaited ice chips. According to her, they were the best ice chips she has ever eaten. Her spirits were high, and looked about as good as you could expect.
Moving forward, she could be released as early as tomorrow if she is feeling up to it. There will be the obliglatory doctors visits with the primary doctor and the plastic surgans, as well as the radiaton therapy. She is thanking god that this chapter of the battle is drawing to a close. She wanted me to pass on to you all her thanks for keeping her in your thoughts and prayers. Please keep it up! That is all for this evening.
Pat
Moving forward, she could be released as early as tomorrow if she is feeling up to it. There will be the obliglatory doctors visits with the primary doctor and the plastic surgans, as well as the radiaton therapy. She is thanking god that this chapter of the battle is drawing to a close. She wanted me to pass on to you all her thanks for keeping her in your thoughts and prayers. Please keep it up! That is all for this evening.
Pat
The big day is here! Surgery at 1:00pm
Oh, I have been so bad about keeping my blog updated:( I think it has been 6 or 8 weeks since I have written an update. A lot of things have happened!
I finished chemo 4 1/2 weeks ago. YEA!!!! I am so happy to know that each day I feel better, I'm not just preparing for another dose of poison. I learned the depth of the truth of Proverbs 31: 30, " Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised". Anyone that has just skin deep beauty will have a rude awakening if they ever get cancer. I have to admit I have a little bit of vanity in me. I got my rude awakening when my hair fell out, my fingernails and toenails fell off, I got covered with a rash, and to top it all of, my eyes kept tearing and tearing. I had to carry a Kleenex around with me to constantly wipe my eyes--of course that's a problem you deal with when you only have 6 eyelashes left:)
I'm not complaining...I'm so excited! Tomorrow (actually today) is surgery day. Do you ever look forward to something when it is far away, and then when it gets close you get a little apprehensive???? Well...that's me right now. I am feeling a little bit of anxiety, but I have a tremendous amount of prayer support. I couldn't ask for more. God is just carrying me though the process. The biggest thing I was dreading was the anesthesia, but instead, as I have had such a crazy rough week, now I have a new perspective on anesthesia---I'm looking forward to it!!! I will count "10...9...8......and I will be in lala land, happy as can be. See, God changed my perspective from one week to the next.
God also beautifully orchestrated some tricky things together to get me the surgeons that I want, the procedure that I want, and the hospital that I want. Originally my insurance gave me a surgeon that only practices at Hemet Hospital, and a Plastic Surgeon that practices everywhere except Hemet Hospital. After a little whining and complaining, I got a referral to Loma Linda Hospital in Murrieta, a wonderful new surgeon, and my plactic surgeon whom I love. God just works everything together so nicely.
I will get to the hospital at 9:00 am Tuesday morning, get checked in and prepped and go to Nuclear Med. Then I will get an injection, and go back to finish getting ready for surgery. My case starts at 1:00. I am so blessed to have two amazing surgeons in the operating room with me. I will have bilateral mastectomy and they will start the reconstruction immediately, with the Plastic Surgeon placing "expanders".
Please play for me, and pray for my family. It will be a very long day. I believe the surgery takes about 5 hours. God's arms have been around me all this time, I have complete confidence that he will continue to keep me in His arms:). His Word says He will never fail or forsake me. I believe that!
My daughter will be updating my blog while mom is under the weather. God bless you. We covet your prayer and your comments.
God bless you,
Jane
I finished chemo 4 1/2 weeks ago. YEA!!!! I am so happy to know that each day I feel better, I'm not just preparing for another dose of poison. I learned the depth of the truth of Proverbs 31: 30, " Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised". Anyone that has just skin deep beauty will have a rude awakening if they ever get cancer. I have to admit I have a little bit of vanity in me. I got my rude awakening when my hair fell out, my fingernails and toenails fell off, I got covered with a rash, and to top it all of, my eyes kept tearing and tearing. I had to carry a Kleenex around with me to constantly wipe my eyes--of course that's a problem you deal with when you only have 6 eyelashes left:)
I'm not complaining...I'm so excited! Tomorrow (actually today) is surgery day. Do you ever look forward to something when it is far away, and then when it gets close you get a little apprehensive???? Well...that's me right now. I am feeling a little bit of anxiety, but I have a tremendous amount of prayer support. I couldn't ask for more. God is just carrying me though the process. The biggest thing I was dreading was the anesthesia, but instead, as I have had such a crazy rough week, now I have a new perspective on anesthesia---I'm looking forward to it!!! I will count "10...9...8......and I will be in lala land, happy as can be. See, God changed my perspective from one week to the next.
God also beautifully orchestrated some tricky things together to get me the surgeons that I want, the procedure that I want, and the hospital that I want. Originally my insurance gave me a surgeon that only practices at Hemet Hospital, and a Plastic Surgeon that practices everywhere except Hemet Hospital. After a little whining and complaining, I got a referral to Loma Linda Hospital in Murrieta, a wonderful new surgeon, and my plactic surgeon whom I love. God just works everything together so nicely.
I will get to the hospital at 9:00 am Tuesday morning, get checked in and prepped and go to Nuclear Med. Then I will get an injection, and go back to finish getting ready for surgery. My case starts at 1:00. I am so blessed to have two amazing surgeons in the operating room with me. I will have bilateral mastectomy and they will start the reconstruction immediately, with the Plastic Surgeon placing "expanders".
Please play for me, and pray for my family. It will be a very long day. I believe the surgery takes about 5 hours. God's arms have been around me all this time, I have complete confidence that he will continue to keep me in His arms:). His Word says He will never fail or forsake me. I believe that!
My daughter will be updating my blog while mom is under the weather. God bless you. We covet your prayer and your comments.
God bless you,
Jane
Friday, May 18, 2012
Thank you for your prayer!
Praise God for answered prayer!
I am on day eight after chemo, and I am happy to report that I am actually feeling pretty good! I kept waiting to get slammed, but it really never happened. The side effects this week were probably only about 30% of what I experienced with the first dose of Taxotier. I think my biggest complaint this time is extremely dry skin, dry nose and mouth. I have been a little tired, but nothing like the last time. I think that my body was shocked at the new medicine and freaked out. Now it is starting to realize that this is our new normal. However, I am soooo happy to say that 3 weeks from today I will have my last chemo infusion! June 8! After that I will need to let my body recover for 3 to 4 weeks, and then go to surgery.
Speaking of surgery... I had my consultation with the Plastic Surgeon yesterday. He was so nice--extremely caring, calming, and very patient as he explained each step of my options and answered every one of my 1,000,000 questions. Best of all...he is going to call my surgeon and my oncologist and coordinate my care. I thought I was going to have to do that, so that news was load off my plate.
As God is carrying me through this trying time in my life, I am blown away at the blessings that He constantly showers me with. When I contemplate on the blessings, I have tears in my eyes. These are blessings that give me deep peace and indescribable joy. I would love to share some of the blessings that blow my socks off and leave me in awe of my Creator:
...I have a husband that loves me very much and would do anything in the world for me
...Our three sons, our daughter, our three daughters-in-law, our son-in-law who love us and are constantly there for us.
...A Mother's Day weekend where I got to spend hours and hours with every one of my kids and their beautiful families
...A season of opportunity to slow down my life and evaluate my priorities. I value my time with God first, my husband second, my family third, and everything else after that.
,..My precious little 7 year old granddaughter, Riley, who couldn't wait to tell me last Thursday morning that she had prayed and asked Jesus into her heart. Wow! That made me cry!
...My bright eyed darling little 6 year old granddaughter, Karley. As we were on our way to school, I asked her how her day is...she said "I'm on top of the world!". She gave me a beautiful new perspective on life.
...My sweet 11 year old grandson, Cameron, (the only boy) who is very concerned about how my chemo is going. It really bothered him that my fingertips were numb after my last treatment, so he checks on me and shows me how much he loves me
...My beautiful 15 year old granddaughter, Taryn, whose sweet nature makes her comforting and fun to spend time with. What a blessing she is!
...My precious 13 year old granddaughter, Haley, who always shows her love for me by calling me, coming over to visit, and writing and singing songs.
...My beautiful 19 year old granddaughter, Shaela, who has grown into a young woman that I am very proud of. She is a blessing in our lives...and we have fun coffee dates!
...Our newest granddaughter, Amber. Our 10 year old sweet little girl who is blending into our family beautifully and is starting to get comfortable calling us grandma and papa.
...The opportunity that God has given me to do a bible study each Wednesday morning with some absolutely amazing women--good friends!
...My church family! I cannot even begin to explain the love, support, and comfort I get from my extended familly--the church. This family prays diligently for me, brings us meals, sends us encouraging messages. What would I do without them?
...The opportunity that I had to share Jesus with an old friend. What an awesome blessing!
...The fact that my body is responding so well to treatment.
Have a blessed week!
Jane
I am on day eight after chemo, and I am happy to report that I am actually feeling pretty good! I kept waiting to get slammed, but it really never happened. The side effects this week were probably only about 30% of what I experienced with the first dose of Taxotier. I think my biggest complaint this time is extremely dry skin, dry nose and mouth. I have been a little tired, but nothing like the last time. I think that my body was shocked at the new medicine and freaked out. Now it is starting to realize that this is our new normal. However, I am soooo happy to say that 3 weeks from today I will have my last chemo infusion! June 8! After that I will need to let my body recover for 3 to 4 weeks, and then go to surgery.
Speaking of surgery... I had my consultation with the Plastic Surgeon yesterday. He was so nice--extremely caring, calming, and very patient as he explained each step of my options and answered every one of my 1,000,000 questions. Best of all...he is going to call my surgeon and my oncologist and coordinate my care. I thought I was going to have to do that, so that news was load off my plate.
As God is carrying me through this trying time in my life, I am blown away at the blessings that He constantly showers me with. When I contemplate on the blessings, I have tears in my eyes. These are blessings that give me deep peace and indescribable joy. I would love to share some of the blessings that blow my socks off and leave me in awe of my Creator:
...I have a husband that loves me very much and would do anything in the world for me
...Our three sons, our daughter, our three daughters-in-law, our son-in-law who love us and are constantly there for us.
...A Mother's Day weekend where I got to spend hours and hours with every one of my kids and their beautiful families
...A season of opportunity to slow down my life and evaluate my priorities. I value my time with God first, my husband second, my family third, and everything else after that.
,..My precious little 7 year old granddaughter, Riley, who couldn't wait to tell me last Thursday morning that she had prayed and asked Jesus into her heart. Wow! That made me cry!
...My bright eyed darling little 6 year old granddaughter, Karley. As we were on our way to school, I asked her how her day is...she said "I'm on top of the world!". She gave me a beautiful new perspective on life.
...My sweet 11 year old grandson, Cameron, (the only boy) who is very concerned about how my chemo is going. It really bothered him that my fingertips were numb after my last treatment, so he checks on me and shows me how much he loves me
...My beautiful 15 year old granddaughter, Taryn, whose sweet nature makes her comforting and fun to spend time with. What a blessing she is!
...My precious 13 year old granddaughter, Haley, who always shows her love for me by calling me, coming over to visit, and writing and singing songs.
...My beautiful 19 year old granddaughter, Shaela, who has grown into a young woman that I am very proud of. She is a blessing in our lives...and we have fun coffee dates!
...Our newest granddaughter, Amber. Our 10 year old sweet little girl who is blending into our family beautifully and is starting to get comfortable calling us grandma and papa.
...The opportunity that God has given me to do a bible study each Wednesday morning with some absolutely amazing women--good friends!
...My church family! I cannot even begin to explain the love, support, and comfort I get from my extended familly--the church. This family prays diligently for me, brings us meals, sends us encouraging messages. What would I do without them?
...The opportunity that I had to share Jesus with an old friend. What an awesome blessing!
...The fact that my body is responding so well to treatment.
Jane
Friday, May 11, 2012
Gearing up for Round Six
What a different and crazy couple of weeks! I have been on a bit of a roller coaster and have been negligent with my blog;(
I just reread my last post (April 17) and saw that I was whining about not feeling good for two days and then looking forward to what I thought I understood my doctor to say, "less side effects" with Taxotier, which is the chemo I received on April 27. Well...for clarification, the doctor actually said "less nausea side effects" with Taxotier. My ears chose to just hear "less side effects", and that's what I was counting on. On April 27 I had my first dose of Taxotier and my first dose of Herceptin. I came home and felt good. Saturday, I felt good. Sunday, it hit...and lasted for a full week. The doctor was completely accurate when he said "less nausea side effects". In fact, nausea hasn't even been an issue with this chemo. All the other side effects are what knocked me on my back side.
I'll start with a disclaimer...I might be whining a little, but I absolutely realize that I don't have it nearly as bad as many others. I am incredibly blessed! Prayers are being answered, I feel the arms of my Father around me, and I lift up in prayer all those that are suffering physically, emotionally or spiritually.
My body is experiencing side effects from Taxotier very differently from the previous chemotherapy drugs. The major problem was extreme fatigue. One would think "Well if you are tired, just go to sleep". It's not quite that easy. For me, as I was going through this, sleep wasn't restful. I woke up as tired as I was when I went to sleep. I felt a complete lack of motivation, where even taking a shower required major amounts of effort. Here is an example of how the fatigue knocked me down: On day seven after chemo, I was invited by a friend to go to Glen Ivy Spa for her birthday. What a wonderful relaxing day that would be...Well, I could not muster up the energy to even do that. Much to my disappointment, I had to decline. The biggest problem with the fatigue for me is that it messed with my attitude. I got very discouraged for a few days.
Another miserable side effect of the chemo has been an extremely sore mouth, and I can actually taste the chemo. I think that is a constant reminder that it is poison that is being infused into my body to kill those cancer cells. This was a big problem for about 10 days. Thank God I have not gotten actual sores in my mouth (which is a common side effect), but I have had a very sore mouth in general. Probably the third most difficult side effect that I've been dealing with is "neuropathy" in my fingertips. That is numbness and tingling in my fingertips, and sore fingernails beds.
As these symptoms have subsided over the past few days and my strength, stamina, and good attitude are rebuilding, I am gearing up for dose #2 of Taxotier and Herceptin. That crummy feeling is becoming a fading memory already. I am so thankful for the way God made our bodies to quickly repair itself when something goes wrong with it. My strength is good today in all aspects--physical, emotional, and spiritual. I am sitting here with God's Word putting on my armor for battle. We are going to team up with chemotherapy and destroy that cancer!!!
Thank you for standing beside me in this battle. With God on my side and your prayer support, I know we already have this thing conquered.
Please pray for the chemo infusion today--that God will use it to do its job and not harm the rest of my body. Please pray that as I go through the next week that the power of Jesus Christ will be most evident in my life and through that power I will rebuke the discouragement that wants to set in. God is in control and I am so grateful for that!
I promise I won't be such a flake with my blog updates this time--even if I don't feel good:)
God bless you!
Jane
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
4 rounds down, 4 to go
I'm so happy to say...I am 50% done with chemotherapy! Actually, I am completely done with two of the chemo meds (I had four rounds of Adriamycin and Cytoxin--COMPLETED!!! YEA!!!). The next four rounds will be a chemo called Taxotier. The doctor said the side effects from Taxotier are not as bad as side effects from the two that I have been getting. I'm holding him at his word on that! I will also be getting the Herceptin infusion simultaneously with the Taxotier, but Herceptin will be weekly. From what I understand, there are no side effects from Herceptin. Praise God for "no side effects"! Praise God also for the Neupagen shots that I get daily--my white count has stayed at the high end of normal throughout treatment so far. This keeps me from being at high risk for contracting infection.
Thank you for your prayers. God is so faithful! I saw the doctor on Friday before chemo, and he gave me good news that he can no longer feel the lumps at all--which means the chemo is doing its job and shrinking the tumors. Also, the skin redness is gone...which means...either it is IBC (Inflammatory Breast Cancer) and the chemo is working, or it is not IBC and the redness is just disappearing. We don't want it to be IBC, and tests have been inconclusive, but as I have said in previous posts, it has to be treated as if it is IBC. No matter what, God is the Great Physician and He is in control! He is healing my body.
If I trust that God is in control, why am I so weak? I know He will heal me, and I know that He works all things together for the good of those who love him. I definitely love Him! But when I don't feel good, I have a hard time trusting that promise. With this round of chemo, I didn't get sick Friday night. In fact I felt good. Saturday I felt so good that we went to a movie. Ugh...Sunday it hit! I was pretty miserable Sunday and most of Monday. It is in those times that I call out to God and ask to feel His arms around me...I feel scared, although I believe that God is teaching me what He wants me to know. I have so much to learn about faith and patience. The Bible says in James 1:2-4, "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." Okay God, I failed the test this time; however, this test did produce patience. I waited patiently (well, sort of patiently) for the flu like symptoms to go away. I slept away most of the two days. By Monday evening, I started to feel better. My husband hauled me out of the house to take a walk around the block last night. The air was fresh, the sky was beautiful, the exercise got my blood flowing. Today, I woke up to a beautiful new day, the sun is shining and I feel good. I even feel good enough to have my coffee--that is a good thing! :)
God, thank you for tests and trials. Thank you for your faithfulness even when I am not. Father, please help me be teachable, grow in faith, and draw on the strength of Jesus Christ, Your Son, my Lord.
Thank you to Terri, Tamie, Heidi, Ann, and Jolene for bringing meals to my home. Thank you Pat, Amy, Shaela, and Veronica for my dill pickles (yes...that's a chemo craving)!!!! Thank you Tami for taking me for my chemo appointments and staying with me to help me through those rough days. Thank you to all my kids and grandkids for being there for me. Thank you to my amazing faithful friends. Thank you to my husband for keeping a sense of humor, for loving me through this, and for making me go out for walks.
In the Power of Christ,
Jane
Thank you for your prayers. God is so faithful! I saw the doctor on Friday before chemo, and he gave me good news that he can no longer feel the lumps at all--which means the chemo is doing its job and shrinking the tumors. Also, the skin redness is gone...which means...either it is IBC (Inflammatory Breast Cancer) and the chemo is working, or it is not IBC and the redness is just disappearing. We don't want it to be IBC, and tests have been inconclusive, but as I have said in previous posts, it has to be treated as if it is IBC. No matter what, God is the Great Physician and He is in control! He is healing my body.
If I trust that God is in control, why am I so weak? I know He will heal me, and I know that He works all things together for the good of those who love him. I definitely love Him! But when I don't feel good, I have a hard time trusting that promise. With this round of chemo, I didn't get sick Friday night. In fact I felt good. Saturday I felt so good that we went to a movie. Ugh...Sunday it hit! I was pretty miserable Sunday and most of Monday. It is in those times that I call out to God and ask to feel His arms around me...I feel scared, although I believe that God is teaching me what He wants me to know. I have so much to learn about faith and patience. The Bible says in James 1:2-4, "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." Okay God, I failed the test this time; however, this test did produce patience. I waited patiently (well, sort of patiently) for the flu like symptoms to go away. I slept away most of the two days. By Monday evening, I started to feel better. My husband hauled me out of the house to take a walk around the block last night. The air was fresh, the sky was beautiful, the exercise got my blood flowing. Today, I woke up to a beautiful new day, the sun is shining and I feel good. I even feel good enough to have my coffee--that is a good thing! :)
God, thank you for tests and trials. Thank you for your faithfulness even when I am not. Father, please help me be teachable, grow in faith, and draw on the strength of Jesus Christ, Your Son, my Lord.
Thank you to Terri, Tamie, Heidi, Ann, and Jolene for bringing meals to my home. Thank you Pat, Amy, Shaela, and Veronica for my dill pickles (yes...that's a chemo craving)!!!! Thank you Tami for taking me for my chemo appointments and staying with me to help me through those rough days. Thank you to all my kids and grandkids for being there for me. Thank you to my amazing faithful friends. Thank you to my husband for keeping a sense of humor, for loving me through this, and for making me go out for walks.
In the Power of Christ,
Jane
Friday, April 13, 2012
Prayed up and ready to go to battle, Round 4!
Come on chemo--let's do this! Going in for round 4 today. As I pray, I know that I am standing in prayer with hundreds of my friends and fellow prayer warriors. ...God, today I THANK you in advance for your Almighty Power-- that you will have the chemo medication go into my body and do the job that YOU want it to do. That it will kill the cancer cells and not harm any other part of my body. God, you are the Great Physician! Lord, you are in control! God, please let your light shine through me and bless those that I come into contact with today. Amen.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
3 rounds down, 5 to go
Chemo treatment is 3/8 of the way done...that is 37.5%...but who's counting:) While the last treatment (March 30) wasn't terrible, it did seem to knock me down a little bit for a longer period of time. It is hard to describe how it feels. The only thing I can compare the physical aftereffects of chemo to is the way a woman feels during the first trimester of pregnancy. I described it that way to a male friend, and he just couldn't relate...sorry:) For those of you who haven't experienced pregnancy, the best way I can describe it is that you just feel "kinda yukky". The chemo education nurse explained to me that my body will probably react to chemo the way it reacted to pregnancy, and I have found that to be very true. I have never vomited from chemo, just as I never vomited from pregnancy. As I did with pregnancy I just feel queezy for a few days following treatment. During those days, my body feels tired, sluggish, and unmotivated. My husband gives me one day after treatment to give into that sluggishness before he makes me get up and go outside and walk. I know exercise is important, but it is hard to get motivated when you feel sluggish and queezy. My daughter says, "Mom, you need to get out in the fresh air". They are so right!
So many of you have encouraged me through this journey. My prayer is that we can encourage one another as we go through storms in our lives. I have been through storms before, and I am definitely going through one right now. The biggest blessing in my life is that through the storms, I know where to find hope and peace. Some days are easier than others, and that is why we need each other to lock arms daily and plunge into the comfort that we can only receive from our Lord and Savior.
This season of my life is one of rest and opportunity for growing closer than I ever imagined to Jesus. Sometimes He takes us as "captive audience" when He wants to speak to us and do something major in our lives. I am NOT saying that God gave me cancer. I don't know where the cancer came from...possibly environmental, possibly genetic, possibly stress. Pain and illness are not from God, but He will certainly use those times in our lives for GOOD beyond our wildest imagination. He knew I would go through this, and He is allowing me to feel His arms tight around me the entire time. His Word tells me to be strong and courageous, that He will never fail or forsake me. His Word says, "Be still and know that I am God", Psalm 46:10. He will heal my body, and in the meanwhile He will shape me and mold me into who He wants me to be.
During these days before Easter (Resurrection Sunday), I am reminded of the suffering that Jesus went through as He went to the cross to be the sacrifice for the sins of humanity--for my sin, for your sin. As He prayed the night before His death, He said, "O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will but as You will." Jesus Himself didn't want to go through physical suffering, but He was in complete submission to the Will of God. My discomfort with my illness is nothing compared to the suffering Jesus went through. Am I willing to drink from the cup of suffering so that the greater Will of God will be accomplished. You bet! Jesus rose from the dead and now lives and gives us eternal life as well. I am excited about the transformation He is making in my life as He brings me through this storm. I know His Will is perfect, so I can't wait to see how He will use me.
I pray that you have a wonderful Easter Sunday remembering that it is the day that our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ rose from the dead. God bless you!
So many of you have encouraged me through this journey. My prayer is that we can encourage one another as we go through storms in our lives. I have been through storms before, and I am definitely going through one right now. The biggest blessing in my life is that through the storms, I know where to find hope and peace. Some days are easier than others, and that is why we need each other to lock arms daily and plunge into the comfort that we can only receive from our Lord and Savior.
This season of my life is one of rest and opportunity for growing closer than I ever imagined to Jesus. Sometimes He takes us as "captive audience" when He wants to speak to us and do something major in our lives. I am NOT saying that God gave me cancer. I don't know where the cancer came from...possibly environmental, possibly genetic, possibly stress. Pain and illness are not from God, but He will certainly use those times in our lives for GOOD beyond our wildest imagination. He knew I would go through this, and He is allowing me to feel His arms tight around me the entire time. His Word tells me to be strong and courageous, that He will never fail or forsake me. His Word says, "Be still and know that I am God", Psalm 46:10. He will heal my body, and in the meanwhile He will shape me and mold me into who He wants me to be.
During these days before Easter (Resurrection Sunday), I am reminded of the suffering that Jesus went through as He went to the cross to be the sacrifice for the sins of humanity--for my sin, for your sin. As He prayed the night before His death, He said, "O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will but as You will." Jesus Himself didn't want to go through physical suffering, but He was in complete submission to the Will of God. My discomfort with my illness is nothing compared to the suffering Jesus went through. Am I willing to drink from the cup of suffering so that the greater Will of God will be accomplished. You bet! Jesus rose from the dead and now lives and gives us eternal life as well. I am excited about the transformation He is making in my life as He brings me through this storm. I know His Will is perfect, so I can't wait to see how He will use me.
I pray that you have a wonderful Easter Sunday remembering that it is the day that our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ rose from the dead. God bless you!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Transformation by the Renewal of the mind
The bible says, "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God", Romans 12:2
When I was diagnosed with cancer, I was plucked out of my life as I knew it. I went through a period of emotional turmoil. I was bewildered and asked, "God, why is this happening? I live my life to serve you! Why would you stop me in my tracks?" I did a little kicking and screaming as my life (which I loved) went on "pause". At the same time, I knew in my spirit that His Will is perfect, and that I would see the blessings...eventually. It is just hard to rest in that total comfort, in scary circumstances, when we don't understand the reason. Generally, I'm the type of person that needs to know the reason for things, and then I will jump on board with making it happen. In this case, as in the case of all 'speed bumps' in our lives, I was told I don't need to know or understand the reason, I just need to trust Him, submit to His Will, and know that something is going to happen that will blow my socks off.
God is truly having me go through a season of rest. He has orchestrated it all so flawlessly. My hectic schedule has come to a screeching halt. I now sleep 8-9 hours at night...plus a nap! I read, I rest, I spend time with loved ones, and of course...I show up for all my appointments. With my course of treatment, I get two days every two weeks completely free--where I have no shot, no lab work, no chemo. I was able to reserve a beachfront spot at Silver Strand State Beach for those three nights. My husband and I brought our motor home down and parked it so the big front window is right on the beach! The beautiful Pacific Ocean is our front yard for three days!
Wow! What a beautiful revelation of how God wants to renew my mind. Hour after hour I watch the waves roll in and then gently slide back out. I am amazed by the power of our God. As I watch the birds tirelessly hunt for food, I am reminded of the words of Jesus in Matthew 6:26, "Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?" As I watch the sun set behind the seemingly endless ocean, I am reminded of His faithfulness. He never changes, He is always faithful. As I walk on the beach and fill my lungs with beautiful fresh air, I am reminded of how blessed I am.
During this time that I have had at the beach, I have realized that God truly wants to be alone with me. He wants my undivided attention. Usually I am unable to discern His Will because my mind gets caught up in things of the world. I am distracted so I don't sense His nearness. I don't know about you, but I kind of push Him to the side while I handle life's issues--even when they are good issues, such as parenting, such as working, such as serving in ministry--they are still issues that are keeping us distracted from His loving presence.
Right now, I am basking in the illumination of God's whispering to me. He says, "Give yourself fully to this adventure of increasing attentiveness to My Presence." My mind is clear right now. I am living in great anticipation of what He is going to do through my illness and healing. I have rest and peace right now. I feel honored to be drawn so close to my Creator right now as He transforms my mind and transforms my life. His words in Jeremiah 29:11 say, "I also know the plans I have for you: plans to prosper you an not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I trust that promise, and can hardly wait to see what His plans are to prosper me.
As I move forward in this battle, as Chemo Friday gets closer, I am clinging to what God gave me, "Give yourself fully to this adventure of increasing attentiveness to My Presence". I will see Him and experience His arms around me in each moment. I want to be like Him and I want my mind renewed by him.
As I approach round 3, I know that "with God all things are possible" Matt 19:26. He is an all powerful God, an almighty God who has power to stop the elements and calm the storm. He is with me in this storm, and I can't wait to see the beautiful results of a good strong storm through which my powerful Creator carried me,
Will you please share with us what your storms have been and how God renewed your mind, and brought you through the storm as a beautiful fresh creation in Christ? I can't wait to read your story and hold it us as a testimony as to God's faithfulness.
Please pray for me that chemo this Friday goes flawlessly--that the medicine does its job on the cancer cells and leaves the rest of my body healthy.
God bless you,
Jane
When I was diagnosed with cancer, I was plucked out of my life as I knew it. I went through a period of emotional turmoil. I was bewildered and asked, "God, why is this happening? I live my life to serve you! Why would you stop me in my tracks?" I did a little kicking and screaming as my life (which I loved) went on "pause". At the same time, I knew in my spirit that His Will is perfect, and that I would see the blessings...eventually. It is just hard to rest in that total comfort, in scary circumstances, when we don't understand the reason. Generally, I'm the type of person that needs to know the reason for things, and then I will jump on board with making it happen. In this case, as in the case of all 'speed bumps' in our lives, I was told I don't need to know or understand the reason, I just need to trust Him, submit to His Will, and know that something is going to happen that will blow my socks off.
God is truly having me go through a season of rest. He has orchestrated it all so flawlessly. My hectic schedule has come to a screeching halt. I now sleep 8-9 hours at night...plus a nap! I read, I rest, I spend time with loved ones, and of course...I show up for all my appointments. With my course of treatment, I get two days every two weeks completely free--where I have no shot, no lab work, no chemo. I was able to reserve a beachfront spot at Silver Strand State Beach for those three nights. My husband and I brought our motor home down and parked it so the big front window is right on the beach! The beautiful Pacific Ocean is our front yard for three days!
Wow! What a beautiful revelation of how God wants to renew my mind. Hour after hour I watch the waves roll in and then gently slide back out. I am amazed by the power of our God. As I watch the birds tirelessly hunt for food, I am reminded of the words of Jesus in Matthew 6:26, "Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?" As I watch the sun set behind the seemingly endless ocean, I am reminded of His faithfulness. He never changes, He is always faithful. As I walk on the beach and fill my lungs with beautiful fresh air, I am reminded of how blessed I am.
During this time that I have had at the beach, I have realized that God truly wants to be alone with me. He wants my undivided attention. Usually I am unable to discern His Will because my mind gets caught up in things of the world. I am distracted so I don't sense His nearness. I don't know about you, but I kind of push Him to the side while I handle life's issues--even when they are good issues, such as parenting, such as working, such as serving in ministry--they are still issues that are keeping us distracted from His loving presence.
Right now, I am basking in the illumination of God's whispering to me. He says, "Give yourself fully to this adventure of increasing attentiveness to My Presence." My mind is clear right now. I am living in great anticipation of what He is going to do through my illness and healing. I have rest and peace right now. I feel honored to be drawn so close to my Creator right now as He transforms my mind and transforms my life. His words in Jeremiah 29:11 say, "I also know the plans I have for you: plans to prosper you an not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I trust that promise, and can hardly wait to see what His plans are to prosper me.
As I move forward in this battle, as Chemo Friday gets closer, I am clinging to what God gave me, "Give yourself fully to this adventure of increasing attentiveness to My Presence". I will see Him and experience His arms around me in each moment. I want to be like Him and I want my mind renewed by him.
As I approach round 3, I know that "with God all things are possible" Matt 19:26. He is an all powerful God, an almighty God who has power to stop the elements and calm the storm. He is with me in this storm, and I can't wait to see the beautiful results of a good strong storm through which my powerful Creator carried me,
Will you please share with us what your storms have been and how God renewed your mind, and brought you through the storm as a beautiful fresh creation in Christ? I can't wait to read your story and hold it us as a testimony as to God's faithfulness.
Please pray for me that chemo this Friday goes flawlessly--that the medicine does its job on the cancer cells and leaves the rest of my body healthy.
God bless you,
Jane
Sunday, March 18, 2012
2 rounds down, 6 to go
I'm so happy to say I have two doses of chemo done! That means I am 1/4 of the way done with the chemo treatment part of this journey.
In my last post, I complained a little bit about the discomfort of the porta cath procedure...but I sure was grateful for it on the day of chemo (another example of perspective change). It made the infusion so easy. The nurse was very cautious and made absolutely sure that the tubing was in place because the effects of the Adriamycin leaking out of the vein is very destructive to the tissue. I was premedicated with antinausea medicine, and we started the infusion. I made wiser choices about what I ate for lunch after the infusion this time, so because of that and lots of prayer, I wasn't too nauseated. It was much less intense than last time. I did feel under the weather Thursday and Friday, but by Saturday I felt pretty good.
Two more major things happened on Thursday--My hair fell out, and I found out that because of the type of cancer we are fighting, I will be having infusions of an antibody (Herceptin) once a week for one year.
I had been preparing for the time that my hair would come out, but there is really no way to completely emotionally prepare. Of course all my sons have buzzed heads, so they are standing in unison with me:) I spent two days with my hair coming out in clumps, so on Friday night Tami and Amy got out the clippers and buzzed my head. Wow!!! That was a weird experience. I don't like the "look" much, but I must admit...showering with a bald head is awesome--it is like a scalp massage. Now I will be able to participate in the discussions my sons have about how they wash and condition their scalps:):):) We took video, but I don't think I'm ready to share that yet. I have lots of knit hats and two wigs, but sometimes it just feels better to have nothing on my head. However, that is a look I am not quite comfortable with yet. Is that vanity???
The second new news I got on Thursday was about the need for weekly infusions of Herceptin for one year. From what I understand, breast cancer will be Estrogen, Progesterone, and Her-2-Neu receptive, either positive or negative. My breast cancer is all three positive. Because of this I will take a daily pill for 5 years that will block my body from making Estrogen and Progesterone. Her-2-Neu is a protein that the cancer cells are overproducing. This type of cancer tends to be more aggressive. (I guess that explains why I had a completely negative mammogram one year ago, and today it is where it is). They have found that infusions of an antibody (1-3 weeks apart) are very effective in treating this type of cancer cells. My doctor says he likes to follow the most conservative treatment plan which would be infusions once a week. If you are interested in more information on this, I looked it up on this website, http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/breast-cancer/AN00495, I am grateful for this treatment, and was very happy to learn that there are no side effects like nausea, hair loss, fatigue, etc. My doctor said I will just come in once a week for the one hour appointment and then go on with my life as normal. Hurray for "Normal"--that is what I am looking forward to.
So, life moves forward! I am so grateful for the easy infusion of chemo this week. I am grateful for the mild side effects. I am grateful for my daughter and daughters-in-law, helping me to be "fun and stylish" through this storm:) Praise God for strength and healing! I thank God for wrapping His arms around me during this storm. My family and I are so thankful for the meals that our church has brought to us. I'm thankful for amazing friends. I am thankful for Answered Prayer!
Please continue to stand beside us in prayer. Please pray that God continues to heal my body, pray that this storm will be used to help others who may be in the middle of a storm in their own life.
In my last post, I complained a little bit about the discomfort of the porta cath procedure...but I sure was grateful for it on the day of chemo (another example of perspective change). It made the infusion so easy. The nurse was very cautious and made absolutely sure that the tubing was in place because the effects of the Adriamycin leaking out of the vein is very destructive to the tissue. I was premedicated with antinausea medicine, and we started the infusion. I made wiser choices about what I ate for lunch after the infusion this time, so because of that and lots of prayer, I wasn't too nauseated. It was much less intense than last time. I did feel under the weather Thursday and Friday, but by Saturday I felt pretty good.
Two more major things happened on Thursday--My hair fell out, and I found out that because of the type of cancer we are fighting, I will be having infusions of an antibody (Herceptin) once a week for one year.
I had been preparing for the time that my hair would come out, but there is really no way to completely emotionally prepare. Of course all my sons have buzzed heads, so they are standing in unison with me:) I spent two days with my hair coming out in clumps, so on Friday night Tami and Amy got out the clippers and buzzed my head. Wow!!! That was a weird experience. I don't like the "look" much, but I must admit...showering with a bald head is awesome--it is like a scalp massage. Now I will be able to participate in the discussions my sons have about how they wash and condition their scalps:):):) We took video, but I don't think I'm ready to share that yet. I have lots of knit hats and two wigs, but sometimes it just feels better to have nothing on my head. However, that is a look I am not quite comfortable with yet. Is that vanity???
The second new news I got on Thursday was about the need for weekly infusions of Herceptin for one year. From what I understand, breast cancer will be Estrogen, Progesterone, and Her-2-Neu receptive, either positive or negative. My breast cancer is all three positive. Because of this I will take a daily pill for 5 years that will block my body from making Estrogen and Progesterone. Her-2-Neu is a protein that the cancer cells are overproducing. This type of cancer tends to be more aggressive. (I guess that explains why I had a completely negative mammogram one year ago, and today it is where it is). They have found that infusions of an antibody (1-3 weeks apart) are very effective in treating this type of cancer cells. My doctor says he likes to follow the most conservative treatment plan which would be infusions once a week. If you are interested in more information on this, I looked it up on this website, http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/breast-cancer/AN00495, I am grateful for this treatment, and was very happy to learn that there are no side effects like nausea, hair loss, fatigue, etc. My doctor said I will just come in once a week for the one hour appointment and then go on with my life as normal. Hurray for "Normal"--that is what I am looking forward to.
So, life moves forward! I am so grateful for the easy infusion of chemo this week. I am grateful for the mild side effects. I am grateful for my daughter and daughters-in-law, helping me to be "fun and stylish" through this storm:) Praise God for strength and healing! I thank God for wrapping His arms around me during this storm. My family and I are so thankful for the meals that our church has brought to us. I'm thankful for amazing friends. I am thankful for Answered Prayer!
Please continue to stand beside us in prayer. Please pray that God continues to heal my body, pray that this storm will be used to help others who may be in the middle of a storm in their own life.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Praying for renewed strength
During this season of life I have to pray for renewed strength daily. Even though my circumstances are really not THAT bad, even though the Apostle Paul says to be content no matter what your circumstances are, even though I DO find my strength in Jesus, once in a while I just melt down.
I am going to be honest...the last couple days have been hard. The surgery I had on Monday (installation of the port a cath) was much tougher than I had anticipated. For some reason, I thought it would be a "nothing" procedure. It actually was a big deal. The procedure was done in the hospital in the operating room with local anesthesia and IV doses of drugs to make me go to "lala land"--administered by the anesthesiologist. The surgeon makes a small incision in the lower neck where the tubing (or catheter) attaches to the internal jugular vein, through a tunnel and passes over the collar bone (under the skin). The port is implanted into the skin in the upper chest below the collar bone. I woke up with a stiff neck from laying on the operating table with my head turned to the left for so long, but other than that I felt okay...UNTIL the local anesthesia wore off. I was amazed at how sore I was!
My meltdown came later the night of surgery when I was trying to get ready for bed. Note to self--anytime you have surgery in the chest area, don't wear a pull over shirt! I stood next to my bed for about 5 minutes trying to figure out how to pull my shirt over my head. As I was pondering this situation, I looked down and saw the 3 new scarves I had bought to be ready for the time when my hair "releases" (btw--"release" is the term they use instead of "fall out"). As I looked at the scarves, I lost it..Just started crying, "I don't want to do this!!!" My poor husband woke up to me in a mess of tears:( I'm thankful for his hugs.
The soreness was bad, but I guess it was my emotional exhaustion more than anything else that got to me. The discomfort was definitely enough to make me need pain medication through the next day. ...then the pain medication brings nausea. Ugh!
In my daily time with God, I have been going through the book of Matthew. Today God gave me the exact words that I needed for strength and comfort--words of Jesus Himself, Matt 11:28-30, "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." I find peace right there!
I had my blood drawn today. Please pray that my white count is staying up in the safe range. Tomorrow I have round 2 of chemotherapy. I am requesting prayer for smooth sailing through chemo round 2. Please pray that the medicine will do its job and kill the cancer cells but not damage my body in any other way. Please pray for protection against spiritual warfare.
I am grateful for family, for prayer warriors, for God's strength, for God's comfort, ...and for new wheels for my husband's dune buggy--he is a happy camper:)
I am going to be honest...the last couple days have been hard. The surgery I had on Monday (installation of the port a cath) was much tougher than I had anticipated. For some reason, I thought it would be a "nothing" procedure. It actually was a big deal. The procedure was done in the hospital in the operating room with local anesthesia and IV doses of drugs to make me go to "lala land"--administered by the anesthesiologist. The surgeon makes a small incision in the lower neck where the tubing (or catheter) attaches to the internal jugular vein, through a tunnel and passes over the collar bone (under the skin). The port is implanted into the skin in the upper chest below the collar bone. I woke up with a stiff neck from laying on the operating table with my head turned to the left for so long, but other than that I felt okay...UNTIL the local anesthesia wore off. I was amazed at how sore I was!
My meltdown came later the night of surgery when I was trying to get ready for bed. Note to self--anytime you have surgery in the chest area, don't wear a pull over shirt! I stood next to my bed for about 5 minutes trying to figure out how to pull my shirt over my head. As I was pondering this situation, I looked down and saw the 3 new scarves I had bought to be ready for the time when my hair "releases" (btw--"release" is the term they use instead of "fall out"). As I looked at the scarves, I lost it..Just started crying, "I don't want to do this!!!" My poor husband woke up to me in a mess of tears:( I'm thankful for his hugs.
The soreness was bad, but I guess it was my emotional exhaustion more than anything else that got to me. The discomfort was definitely enough to make me need pain medication through the next day. ...then the pain medication brings nausea. Ugh!
In my daily time with God, I have been going through the book of Matthew. Today God gave me the exact words that I needed for strength and comfort--words of Jesus Himself, Matt 11:28-30, "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." I find peace right there!
I had my blood drawn today. Please pray that my white count is staying up in the safe range. Tomorrow I have round 2 of chemotherapy. I am requesting prayer for smooth sailing through chemo round 2. Please pray that the medicine will do its job and kill the cancer cells but not damage my body in any other way. Please pray for protection against spiritual warfare.
I am grateful for family, for prayer warriors, for God's strength, for God's comfort, ...and for new wheels for my husband's dune buggy--he is a happy camper:)
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Perspective
Today, I am in day nine of breast cancer treatment but day sixty of this new season in my life. It was sixty days ago that I first heard that the word "cancer" might be associated with my body. It is funny how your perspective on things changes as you move forward in life. This morning I was in a line of "cancer patients" waiting to get my Neupagen shot (Neupagen is a medication that stimulates the bone marrow to produce white blood cells to offset the negative effects of chemotherapy. I receive a shot every day for 10 days after every chemo infusion). I have a new empathy and respect for these people, many of whom have great attitudes in spite of the long battle that they are in the midst of. My perspective of my own battle changed--it seems very small compared to some.
This week, I also got a new perspective on hair:) I know that I am getting very close to the day where I will lose my hair. Last Wednesday when I went to "Michelle's Place" they gave me a free wig. I was grateful for the gift, but my attitude was bad. I had not accepted the fact that I will definitely lose my hair, and I was still fighting that whole concept. When I got home, I tossed it in the closet. A few days later, I was talking with a good friend who has recently gone through treatment for ovarian cancer. She gave me some very good advice when I asked her how she dealt with the emotional hurdle of hair loss. She said, "Jane, I went and got myself a good wig, I learned how to do my make-up really well, and I dressed nicely every day. Even if I wasn't feeling great, I made sure I looked good and it made a big difference in how I felt about myself." I loved that advice! On her recommendation, I contacted www.godivassecretwigs.com and made an appointment at one of their showrooms. What a fun experience! My daughter and I had a blast. The consultant truly made us feel special. We both tried on lots of wigs and laughed till we cried. I got a darling sassy wig that I love to wear. Plus...I have a list of several others that I want to purchase later. My wig's name is "Freedom". New perspective!
Monday I will go into the hospital for a surgery to install the portacath. This catheter is implanted under my skin in the chest area just below my left clavical. It has a tube that goes directly into a major artery, and the chemo can be directly infused into it. This will save me from having an IV started every time. Also, chemo is very hard on the veins, so the portacath will actually save my veins. From what I understand, I can have blood draws through it as well. I'm all for LESS needle sticks:)
Chemo Round Two will be Thursday next week. I am praying that my body will react as well to round two as it did to round one. After that, I will be 1/4 of the way done with my chemo.
Perspective changes as we process through storms in our lives and focus on blessings. I have realized amazing blessings in my life this past week. I thank God for: my family, all of whom are so caring and actively involved in overcoming this storm; for loyal and beautiful friendships; for rekindled friendships that I had lost contact with; for chemotherapy that is doing its job and not making me sick; for the amazing doctors and their staff that are sweet and caring even when they deal with grumpy patients; for food cravings rather than nausea; for fresh air, sunshine, and cool breezes; for sassy wigs...
Thank you for continuing to hold me and my family up in prayer. This week, will you please pray that the hands of the surgeon and anesthesiologist on Monday will be guided by The Great Physician, Jesus Christ; and that my white blood count will stay up in the "safe" range.
I would love to hear how storms and blessings have changed your perspective.
Love, Jane
This week, I also got a new perspective on hair:) I know that I am getting very close to the day where I will lose my hair. Last Wednesday when I went to "Michelle's Place" they gave me a free wig. I was grateful for the gift, but my attitude was bad. I had not accepted the fact that I will definitely lose my hair, and I was still fighting that whole concept. When I got home, I tossed it in the closet. A few days later, I was talking with a good friend who has recently gone through treatment for ovarian cancer. She gave me some very good advice when I asked her how she dealt with the emotional hurdle of hair loss. She said, "Jane, I went and got myself a good wig, I learned how to do my make-up really well, and I dressed nicely every day. Even if I wasn't feeling great, I made sure I looked good and it made a big difference in how I felt about myself." I loved that advice! On her recommendation, I contacted www.godivassecretwigs.com and made an appointment at one of their showrooms. What a fun experience! My daughter and I had a blast. The consultant truly made us feel special. We both tried on lots of wigs and laughed till we cried. I got a darling sassy wig that I love to wear. Plus...I have a list of several others that I want to purchase later. My wig's name is "Freedom". New perspective!
Monday I will go into the hospital for a surgery to install the portacath. This catheter is implanted under my skin in the chest area just below my left clavical. It has a tube that goes directly into a major artery, and the chemo can be directly infused into it. This will save me from having an IV started every time. Also, chemo is very hard on the veins, so the portacath will actually save my veins. From what I understand, I can have blood draws through it as well. I'm all for LESS needle sticks:)
Chemo Round Two will be Thursday next week. I am praying that my body will react as well to round two as it did to round one. After that, I will be 1/4 of the way done with my chemo.
Perspective changes as we process through storms in our lives and focus on blessings. I have realized amazing blessings in my life this past week. I thank God for: my family, all of whom are so caring and actively involved in overcoming this storm; for loyal and beautiful friendships; for rekindled friendships that I had lost contact with; for chemotherapy that is doing its job and not making me sick; for the amazing doctors and their staff that are sweet and caring even when they deal with grumpy patients; for food cravings rather than nausea; for fresh air, sunshine, and cool breezes; for sassy wigs...
Thank you for continuing to hold me and my family up in prayer. This week, will you please pray that the hands of the surgeon and anesthesiologist on Monday will be guided by The Great Physician, Jesus Christ; and that my white blood count will stay up in the "safe" range.
I would love to hear how storms and blessings have changed your perspective.
Love, Jane
Saturday, March 3, 2012
One round down, seven to go
Yesterday I had my first infusion of chemotherapy. In some ways it was not as bad as I thought it would be. Tami and I were up bright and early and at the lab at 6:00 am for a baseline CBC. The doctor will be keeping close track of my white count, red count and platelets through this whole process, so I will have blood draws every week.
Chemo appointment was at 9:30. Since I don't have the "portacath" yet, the nurse started an IV on me. They gave me two high powered anti-nausea medications and then started the Chemo. I received two different chemo drugs--Adriamycin and Cytoxan. The nurse told me that the Adriamycin is the one that will definitely make me lose my hair :(:(:(. So much for my hope of being in the 30% of chemo patients that don't lose their hair! Thanks to "Michelle's Place" in Temecula, I now have a wig and two hats. Michelle's Place is a nonprofit in Temecula which is a resource center for the women with breast cancer. You can check it out at http://www.michellesplace.org/
Well, the infusion was easy! I sat in a recliner with my feet up and read my book. I still felt great when we left and went out to lunch. By the time I got home, I was pretty sleepy so I went upstairs to take a nap. When I woke up from my nap was when I got hit with the nausea. It was a pretty tough afternoon and evening. The nausea was hard to deal with, but it never got out of control. Praise God--I went to sleep last night, slept all night and woke up feeling much better.
I thank God for answered prayer of minimal sickness with the chemo. Today I am just a little tired and have occasional waves of queasiness. I'm learning that living with chemo has lots of warnings, guidelines, and helpful tips. I'm in a whole new learning curve. I have nicknamed my daughter "Sarge"...she is keeping me in line.
While I was concerned about how my body would react to the chemo, I am excited about taking this step in the battle against this nasty disease. The battle began as we all started praying together for healing and strength. I am so thankful for my family and friends--friends that are close and friends that are far away (there are people praying for me that I don't even know, in states where I never have been). I can't even imagine having more support than I have.
I saw that Pastor John posted on Facebook a verse that I hold close in my heart, Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, Plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". It looks like that will be a key verse for the new teaching series starting tomorrow at Sandals Church "Getting Past your Past". This is going to be a great series! I'm bummed I won't be there for it, but I look forward to catching the video this week. I know that God is going to use this season in my life, and I can't wait to see the plan He has for my future.
Chemo appointment was at 9:30. Since I don't have the "portacath" yet, the nurse started an IV on me. They gave me two high powered anti-nausea medications and then started the Chemo. I received two different chemo drugs--Adriamycin and Cytoxan. The nurse told me that the Adriamycin is the one that will definitely make me lose my hair :(:(:(. So much for my hope of being in the 30% of chemo patients that don't lose their hair! Thanks to "Michelle's Place" in Temecula, I now have a wig and two hats. Michelle's Place is a nonprofit in Temecula which is a resource center for the women with breast cancer. You can check it out at http://www.michellesplace.org/
Well, the infusion was easy! I sat in a recliner with my feet up and read my book. I still felt great when we left and went out to lunch. By the time I got home, I was pretty sleepy so I went upstairs to take a nap. When I woke up from my nap was when I got hit with the nausea. It was a pretty tough afternoon and evening. The nausea was hard to deal with, but it never got out of control. Praise God--I went to sleep last night, slept all night and woke up feeling much better.
I thank God for answered prayer of minimal sickness with the chemo. Today I am just a little tired and have occasional waves of queasiness. I'm learning that living with chemo has lots of warnings, guidelines, and helpful tips. I'm in a whole new learning curve. I have nicknamed my daughter "Sarge"...she is keeping me in line.
While I was concerned about how my body would react to the chemo, I am excited about taking this step in the battle against this nasty disease. The battle began as we all started praying together for healing and strength. I am so thankful for my family and friends--friends that are close and friends that are far away (there are people praying for me that I don't even know, in states where I never have been). I can't even imagine having more support than I have.
I saw that Pastor John posted on Facebook a verse that I hold close in my heart, Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, Plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". It looks like that will be a key verse for the new teaching series starting tomorrow at Sandals Church "Getting Past your Past". This is going to be a great series! I'm bummed I won't be there for it, but I look forward to catching the video this week. I know that God is going to use this season in my life, and I can't wait to see the plan He has for my future.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Game on! We're ready to beat this thing!
The past 2 days have felt like a blur. Yesterday morning I saw the Oncologist. He explained the details of what my treatment would entail. I had to clarify that I heard him right when he said 8 doses of chemo--one dose every other week. Well, I am not a math wiz, but when I did some quick multiplication, I was horrified! 16 weeks of chemotherapy = 4 months! That was not at all what I was planning on.
Anyone that knows me very well, knows that it will be super hard for me to slow down and step away from my work and my activities for that length of time. I'm pretty controlling when it comes to schedules and calendars...and this is so not my plan, and it is so out of my control.
The doctor was excellent about explaining what the medications are, what they do, what studies have shown about the frequency and the duration of the administration of chemotherapy, the risks, the complications, and the success rate. Fortunately, my wonderful friend, Vicki, was with me because she absorbed everything that I was missing because I was still in shock about the four months of chemotherapy.
In this blog, my desire is to give God glory for every praise, for every victory and for ultimate healing. He is the Great Physician, and He is the one that put it on my heart to share this journey with anyone who would like to travel it with me. I also desire to be real and honest about the emotions that try to take us for a ride during the storms in our lives. I experience those emotions, but I want to be careful not to let them keep me down. We have an adversary, an enemy who will jump on those emotions to get us discouraged as a "thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy", John 10:10a.
Over the last 7 weeks, I have felt like I was kicked in the stomach more than once. It seems like I would just get used to one new reality, and I would get hit with another. Yesterday the blow I received was the fact that I had misunderstood what the duration of the chemo would be--not 4-6 weeks as I had thought, but 16 weeks! Then mastectomy, and then 6 weeks of radiation. Oh my goodness! I knew that I was being told to take a pause in my life as I know it, but I did not understand that it would be a 6-7 month pause.
I felt down and frustrated for a while yesterday. Thank God for my friends, thank God for my family, thank God for my church, thank God for the people who love me, hang out with me, encourage me, and pray for me. By the end of the day, I am standing up strong again knowing that I serve a God who is more powerful than any stinking cancer cells.
Today, I had an appointment at the oncologist's office for "Chemo Education". My husband had to work, but my daughter, Tami, and my daughter-in-law, Amy, went with me. That was great because, again, it is way too much information to understand by myself. In my mind, I was going to start chemo next week. Well...once again, I learned that my plans are not His plans. Chemo will start TODAY (Friday) at 9:30 am.
So my life is filling up with things that I had never imagined doing--Blood draw at 6am Friday; Chemo at 9:30. I will be going into the Oncology office every day for 10 days after each chemo treatment for an injection of "Neuprogen", which is a medication that stimulates the production of white blood cells. In the meantime, I will be getting a Cardiac Echo to make sure that my heart intake and output ratio is functioning correctly. On Monday, March 12, I will have the Portacath installed for the future doses of chemo.
Will you please stand beside me in prayer and praise--Praise reports: God has given me and my family an amazing support system; I am loving the time I am spending with my family; The cancer has not spread to any other parts of my body! Prayer requests: Chemo will go smoothly, my body will respond well and not have negative reaction; The cancer will be completely GONE; My family will have peace as we go through this process.
I want to finish this post with what Jesus says in the rest of John 10:10, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
Anyone that knows me very well, knows that it will be super hard for me to slow down and step away from my work and my activities for that length of time. I'm pretty controlling when it comes to schedules and calendars...and this is so not my plan, and it is so out of my control.
The doctor was excellent about explaining what the medications are, what they do, what studies have shown about the frequency and the duration of the administration of chemotherapy, the risks, the complications, and the success rate. Fortunately, my wonderful friend, Vicki, was with me because she absorbed everything that I was missing because I was still in shock about the four months of chemotherapy.
In this blog, my desire is to give God glory for every praise, for every victory and for ultimate healing. He is the Great Physician, and He is the one that put it on my heart to share this journey with anyone who would like to travel it with me. I also desire to be real and honest about the emotions that try to take us for a ride during the storms in our lives. I experience those emotions, but I want to be careful not to let them keep me down. We have an adversary, an enemy who will jump on those emotions to get us discouraged as a "thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy", John 10:10a.
Over the last 7 weeks, I have felt like I was kicked in the stomach more than once. It seems like I would just get used to one new reality, and I would get hit with another. Yesterday the blow I received was the fact that I had misunderstood what the duration of the chemo would be--not 4-6 weeks as I had thought, but 16 weeks! Then mastectomy, and then 6 weeks of radiation. Oh my goodness! I knew that I was being told to take a pause in my life as I know it, but I did not understand that it would be a 6-7 month pause.
I felt down and frustrated for a while yesterday. Thank God for my friends, thank God for my family, thank God for my church, thank God for the people who love me, hang out with me, encourage me, and pray for me. By the end of the day, I am standing up strong again knowing that I serve a God who is more powerful than any stinking cancer cells.
Today, I had an appointment at the oncologist's office for "Chemo Education". My husband had to work, but my daughter, Tami, and my daughter-in-law, Amy, went with me. That was great because, again, it is way too much information to understand by myself. In my mind, I was going to start chemo next week. Well...once again, I learned that my plans are not His plans. Chemo will start TODAY (Friday) at 9:30 am.
So my life is filling up with things that I had never imagined doing--Blood draw at 6am Friday; Chemo at 9:30. I will be going into the Oncology office every day for 10 days after each chemo treatment for an injection of "Neuprogen", which is a medication that stimulates the production of white blood cells. In the meantime, I will be getting a Cardiac Echo to make sure that my heart intake and output ratio is functioning correctly. On Monday, March 12, I will have the Portacath installed for the future doses of chemo.
Will you please stand beside me in prayer and praise--Praise reports: God has given me and my family an amazing support system; I am loving the time I am spending with my family; The cancer has not spread to any other parts of my body! Prayer requests: Chemo will go smoothly, my body will respond well and not have negative reaction; The cancer will be completely GONE; My family will have peace as we go through this process.
I want to finish this post with what Jesus says in the rest of John 10:10, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
Monday, February 27, 2012
Test Results are in, we're moving forward
I think we have reached the turning point in this first leg of the journey. Tests are done, and most of the results are in. I say "most" of the results are in because the punch biopsy of the skin needs to be sent to another lab for further study. The surgeon and the oncologist are concerned that the redness of the skin could possibly indicate that the cancer has become "Inflammatory breast cancer". Both specialists stated that it does not look like the typical text book case of IBC, but they have enough concern to warrant biopsy. Results are back today but are rather inconclusive, showing "abnormal"--not "atypical" and not cancer, but "abnormal". The pathologist has sent it for further study and second opinion. Unfortunately, the fact that the result is inconclusive requires treatment as if it was positive for IBC. I was already mentally and emotionally prepared for that, so I am feeling okay with it. The treatment is chemotherapy, then mastectomy, then radiation.
The PET scan results show that the cancer has involved the lymph nodes:( That news kind of sent me on the downhill part of the roller coaster, but Praise God...I got a huge breath of fresh air and wave of relief when I learned that there is NO METASTASIS to any other part of my body. I completely trust God, but I have to admit that the little nagging thought that the cancer, which just came out of the blue, could have metastasized to another part of my body. ANSWERED PRAYER--it has not!
The surgeon is starting the authorization process for me to have a "Port-a-cath" surgically installed. (This is a a small medical appliance that is installed beneath the skin. A catheter connects the port to a vein. Under the skin, the port has a septum through which drugs can be injected and blood samples can be drawn many times, usually with less discomfort for the patient than a more typical "needle stick")
On Wednesday morning, Feb. 29, at 7:45, I will see the Oncologist. He will write the orders for the chemotherapy. I will know exactly what the game plan is after that appointment.
I am so incredibly grateful for my family, my friends, my church, and all the churches (some that I know and some that I don't know) which are praying for me. Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight."
Friday, February 24, 2012
Hurry up and wait
This week is a strange time. I am sick but I'm not sick! I am in a season of "Hurry up and wait".
When I first saw the doctor to get the order for mammogram and ultrasound, she said, "Now, this is urgent! You must follow up diligently". Well, I did, but had to wait a whole week for the tests. Next, I found out that the ultrasound shows probable cancer-- I must have a biopsy! I am told, "Call immediately and get the appointment". Strange how the medical profession is now. I made the call immediately, but I was told that the radiologist was reviewing my films and I will get a call back from the coordinator with an appointment...which could take up to a week. A week just for the phone call! Finally, after one full week, I get the awaited call, and I am told that I am scheduled for biopsy one week later! I must admit, my patience was wearing a little thin. I said, (with a little bit of attitude) "Well the doctor that reviewed my films must not be very worried about this if I have to wait a week to have the biopsy done." I was kindly reminded that they have a lot of patients, and that is their next opening. One week later, the biopsy was done, and the doctor found that there is not one lesion, but three! Oh my goodness...Exactly one year ago I had a clear mammogram! One week later I got the bad news that I have breast cancer. That appointment set the tone for the next season of learning a new language, meeting new doctors, experiencing new emotions, and growing to a new level of faith. A new season of total surrender to My Creator who knew me before I was even formed in my mother's womb. Jeremiah 1:5, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;"
One week later, I saw the surgeon and the Oncologist. They ordered PET scan (which was scheduled for...guess when...one week later). They did a biopsy of the skin because they have strong concern that possibly the cancer has infiltrated and is now "Inflammatory Breast Cancer".
Now, all tests are done and I am in the "in between" week. I am focusing on totally releasing my ministry work, and getting my 'household in order' in preparation for some down time. I will see the Surgeon on Monday, 2/27, for results of PET Scan, results of skin biopsy and suture removal. I will see the Oncologist on Wednesday, 2/29, which is when we will get the "game plan" for my treatment.
All of these "One weeks" add up to Seven--Wow, that is the number of perfection! I know God has a plan, and His plans are perfect. I am reminded in Jeremiah 29:11-13, "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
So, right now I am in the season of "Hurry up and wait". God's timing is perfect. Next week, after seven weeks of waiting, it will be "Game on!".
Please continue to pray. Specifically, I am asking for prayer that the PET scan will show the cancer has not spread, for prayer that I will not be sick through chemotherapy, that my surgery will go well and recovery will be miraculous, and that my family will have peace Through all this, I pray that God will be glorified and that others will be blessed as we go through this journey.
When I first saw the doctor to get the order for mammogram and ultrasound, she said, "Now, this is urgent! You must follow up diligently". Well, I did, but had to wait a whole week for the tests. Next, I found out that the ultrasound shows probable cancer-- I must have a biopsy! I am told, "Call immediately and get the appointment". Strange how the medical profession is now. I made the call immediately, but I was told that the radiologist was reviewing my films and I will get a call back from the coordinator with an appointment...which could take up to a week. A week just for the phone call! Finally, after one full week, I get the awaited call, and I am told that I am scheduled for biopsy one week later! I must admit, my patience was wearing a little thin. I said, (with a little bit of attitude) "Well the doctor that reviewed my films must not be very worried about this if I have to wait a week to have the biopsy done." I was kindly reminded that they have a lot of patients, and that is their next opening. One week later, the biopsy was done, and the doctor found that there is not one lesion, but three! Oh my goodness...Exactly one year ago I had a clear mammogram! One week later I got the bad news that I have breast cancer. That appointment set the tone for the next season of learning a new language, meeting new doctors, experiencing new emotions, and growing to a new level of faith. A new season of total surrender to My Creator who knew me before I was even formed in my mother's womb. Jeremiah 1:5, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;"
One week later, I saw the surgeon and the Oncologist. They ordered PET scan (which was scheduled for...guess when...one week later). They did a biopsy of the skin because they have strong concern that possibly the cancer has infiltrated and is now "Inflammatory Breast Cancer".
Now, all tests are done and I am in the "in between" week. I am focusing on totally releasing my ministry work, and getting my 'household in order' in preparation for some down time. I will see the Surgeon on Monday, 2/27, for results of PET Scan, results of skin biopsy and suture removal. I will see the Oncologist on Wednesday, 2/29, which is when we will get the "game plan" for my treatment.
All of these "One weeks" add up to Seven--Wow, that is the number of perfection! I know God has a plan, and His plans are perfect. I am reminded in Jeremiah 29:11-13, "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
So, right now I am in the season of "Hurry up and wait". God's timing is perfect. Next week, after seven weeks of waiting, it will be "Game on!".
Please continue to pray. Specifically, I am asking for prayer that the PET scan will show the cancer has not spread, for prayer that I will not be sick through chemotherapy, that my surgery will go well and recovery will be miraculous, and that my family will have peace Through all this, I pray that God will be glorified and that others will be blessed as we go through this journey.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Having faith that Jesus will calm our storms
God is constantly preparing us for ministry. In the fall I took a Homiletics class. The sermon that I preached was on "The Remedy for Worry"--Imagine that! They say a person learns the most about something when they prepare to teach on the subject. God is certainly using what He taught me during that preparation.
Jesus calms our storms because he is All Powerful, Almighty, and Always Present.
Looking at the text of Mark 4:35-41, Jesus had been teaching all day from a boat on the Sea of Galilee. At the end of the day, in the evening, He said to the disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” Well, Jesus was exhausted. I imagine the disciples were also. They are sailing across the sea and a huge storm comes up. The location of the Sea of Galilee makes for perfect conditions for raging violent turmoil in the water. The Sea is located in a deep basin in Israel surrounded on the east by high mountains, and on the west by hills with gorges through which the wind comes and sweeps across the water and raises the water very quickly.
Jesus calms our storms because he is All Powerful, Almighty, and Always Present.
Looking at the text of Mark 4:35-41, Jesus had been teaching all day from a boat on the Sea of Galilee. At the end of the day, in the evening, He said to the disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” Well, Jesus was exhausted. I imagine the disciples were also. They are sailing across the sea and a huge storm comes up. The location of the Sea of Galilee makes for perfect conditions for raging violent turmoil in the water. The Sea is located in a deep basin in Israel surrounded on the east by high mountains, and on the west by hills with gorges through which the wind comes and sweeps across the water and raises the water very quickly.
Well, the waves were violent, tossing the
boat here and there and crashing onto the boat causing it to fill up with
water.
Panic!
There is a storm! It is
dark! Our boat is filling up with water
and is going to sink! We are going to
drown!
Do you think the disciples WORRIED? Do you think they had some ANXIETY?
Well let’s go to Mark 4:38-41 and see what happened, “…The disciples woke (Jesus)
and said TEACHER (In the synoptic gospel, Luke 8:24 this is doubled—MASTER
MASTER, demonstrating their life and death earnestness), don’t you care if we
drown? (Jesus) got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves,
‘Quiet! Be still!’ Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to His disciples, ‘Why are you so
afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
For the disciples there was natural
apprehension under danger, but there was unbelief in their fear which made the
disciples speak this way. You’ve got to
understand this—when Jesus rebuked the wind and spoke to the sea with the two
commands “Quiet! Be still!”, He was demonstrating the relationship between
Himself, the Master, and the elements.
He is a mighty GOD!
When Jesus made these commands, note that the
bible says “the wind died down and it was completely calm”. Normally, when the storm conditions cease,
the effects of the storm gradually decrease.
But Jesus’ word of command was given to both elements at once, and the
conditions were “completely calm”.
It is worth noting here that Jesus did not
rebuke the disciples for their lack of faith until after He had removed the
danger. Otherwise they would not have been in a state to listen to anything. Jesus
provided for their physical needs, thus stopping their worry.
The disciples had faith—after all, it was
Jesus that they applied to when they said “don’t you care if we drown?”, but
they had fear (or worry), so that
shows that they had little faith. In Matthew 8:26, their level of faith is
stated, “Oh you of little faith”.
You
see, faith dispels fear but only in proportion to its strength
Jesus tells us in Matthew 17:20, “…If you
have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘move from
here to there,’ and it will move.
Nothing will be impossible for you.”
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Wow! What a journey so far! Six weeks ago I was living life at a very fast pace--feeling healthy, finishing school, serving God tirelessly in ministry, planning trips... Today I am in the beginning of a season which I know nothing about. I have no idea what this journey of overcoming cancer will be like, but I do know that I serve a Powerful God, a God who loves us more than we can imagine, a God who heals. I think this is what is meant by "stepping out in faith". I will serve God in whatever way He calls me to serve Him.
Pastor John gave me the opportunity to share my story today with our church, Sandals Church in Temecula, CA. The church is a family, and we felt that it is important that the family be part of this journey--a journey that will have twists and turns, roadblocks and straightaways. My prayer is that God will be glorified through the entire journey. I can't wait to see how His hand is in this and how He still does miracles every day.
When I was asked to share my story as it has unfolded to date, I started making notes--many from my journal. I prayed and wrote and prayed and wrote and prayed and wrote. Here is what I shared with the church:
Pastor John gave me the opportunity to share my story today with our church, Sandals Church in Temecula, CA. The church is a family, and we felt that it is important that the family be part of this journey--a journey that will have twists and turns, roadblocks and straightaways. My prayer is that God will be glorified through the entire journey. I can't wait to see how His hand is in this and how He still does miracles every day.
When I was asked to share my story as it has unfolded to date, I started making notes--many from my journal. I prayed and wrote and prayed and wrote and prayed and wrote. Here is what I shared with the church:
Ephesians 2:19 says, “you are no longer foreigners
and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of His
household”
We are all members of one family—God’s family.
As in your biological family,
the church family is committed to
one another, we love each other, we support each other as we go through trials,
and celebrate together in times of joy.
Right now, my
husband and I are coming to you and asking you, our family, to stand by us and hold us up in prayer.
On February
9, (10 days ago) our world was rocked. I
was diagnosed with breast cancer.
It seems very
surreal. I have always been healthy, I
have no family history of breast cancer, I get my check-ups every year and
every year I get a clean bill of health. I am active and busy, and honestly, I
almost expect at any moment for one of the many doctors that I am suddenly
seeing, to say “Oh, we’ve made a mistake.
We have the wrong patient—you are fine Jane”.
It is amazing
how we can get stopped in our tracks very quickly, and plucked right out of our
comfort zone.
I get
tremendous joy serving in ministry here at Sandals Church. I never grow weary of doing what I do
here. My life has been going at about 90
miles per hour for the past 5 months when in addition to my work, I took 15
units in college this semester to complete my degree.
Exactly one
week after I completed my degree, I got my diagnosis of breast cancer.
It looks like God said “Ok…pause!” He hit the “pause” button on the remote
control of my life.
I don’t
understand why He would allow this. I
have to be honest with you and tell you that I am dreading going through the
physical and emotional discomfort that I will go through over the next few
months. I absolutely love my job, so it was very hard for me to come
into the office on Wednesday with everything that I do on a spreadsheet so I
could sit down with Pastor John and Michelle and our staff and turn my work
over to them because I will be at home for several weeks.
But you know
what?? I am also excited about what God
is going to do through this. Since I first learned that something was wrong with my health, I have been
drowning myself in God’s Word. He keeps
telling me over and over again through His Word—“Be strong and courageous. Do
not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you
wherever you go”.
As I look out at all of you, I know in my heart that you are also experiencing some kind of pain. You may not
be going through the exact same storm that Ed and I are going through, but
chances are that you either: are coming out of a storm, are in the middle of a
storm, or are about to enter a storm. You do not have to go through it
alone. You have a family here at Sandals Church.
Don’t go through your storms without your family. Write your prayer
requests on “The Card” in your worship folder.
This family will pray for
you. We will follow up with you and walk your journey with you if you want us to. We have a team that will bring you meals, clean your house, run errands for you. This family will be here for you.
As soon as I
was told that I had to have a breast biopsy because of abnormal findings on the
ultrasound, our staff gathered around me, laid hands on me and prayed in faith
that I will be healed, that my family will be comforted, and God will be
glorified. Many of you have known each
step that we have been going through and have been praying diligently. One of you came into my office when I wasn’t
there and scripted on my wall Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for
you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give
you hope and a future.” Family has been there for me.
I know I will
be healed of this cancer. I know that
God will be with me, my husband, and our kids through this. That is huge!
We have a powerful loving God!
But what
excites me the most is that He will use this trial to change lives. I cannot wait to see what He does. He makes a
promise in Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good
of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” That’s a promise! I can’t wait to see the miracles that come
from this storm.
I’m still
having scans and consultations and things, but from what I understand, I will
be starting chemotherapy in a couple weeks.
Once I start that, I can’t come to church because my immune system will
be compromised. I’ll have surgery after
4-6 weeks of chemo, and radiation therapy after that. I won’t be here physically during a large
part of that time, but I will be praying for you, my family. I have also started a blog so that we can
share what miracles God does and how He is glorified through this journey. You
can follow the blog by clicking on the link on our website or on Sandals
Church facebook.
When God
calls, I want to say “Yes Lord, send me”.
He is now sending me into a new season.
Please pray
for a miracle, pray for healing, and pray that lives are changed through the
grace of God during this journey of ours.
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