Praying for renewed strength

During this season of life I have to pray for renewed strength daily.  Even though my circumstances are really not THAT bad, even though the Apostle Paul says to be content no matter what your circumstances are, even though I DO find my strength in Jesus, once in a while I just melt down.

I am going to be honest...the last couple days have been hard.  The surgery I had on Monday (installation of the port a cath) was much tougher than I had anticipated.  For some reason, I thought it would be a "nothing" procedure.  It actually was a big deal.  The procedure was done in the hospital in the operating room with local anesthesia and IV doses of drugs to make me go to "lala land"--administered by the anesthesiologist.  The surgeon makes a small incision in the lower neck where the tubing (or catheter) attaches to the internal jugular vein, through a tunnel and passes over the collar bone (under the skin).  The port is implanted into the skin in the upper chest below the collar bone. I woke up with a stiff neck from laying on the operating table with my head turned to the left for so long, but other than that I felt okay...UNTIL the local anesthesia wore off.  I was amazed at how sore I was!

My meltdown came later the night of surgery when I was trying to get ready for bed.  Note to self--anytime you have surgery in the chest area, don't wear a pull over shirt!  I stood next to my bed for about 5 minutes trying to figure out how to pull my shirt over my head.  As I was pondering this situation, I looked down and saw the 3 new scarves I had bought to be ready for the time when my hair "releases" (btw--"release" is the term they use instead of "fall out").  As I looked at the scarves, I lost it..Just started crying, "I don't want to do this!!!"  My poor husband woke up to me in a mess of tears:(  I'm thankful for his hugs.

The soreness was bad, but I guess it was my emotional exhaustion more than anything else that got to me.  The discomfort was definitely enough to make me need pain medication through the next day.  ...then the pain medication brings nausea. Ugh!

In my daily time with God, I have been going through the book of Matthew.  Today God gave me the exact words that I needed for strength and comfort--words of Jesus Himself, Matt 11:28-30, "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."  I find peace right there!

I had my blood drawn today.  Please pray that my white count is staying up in the safe range.  Tomorrow I have round 2 of chemotherapy.  I am requesting prayer for smooth sailing through chemo round 2. Please pray that the medicine will do its job and kill the cancer cells but not damage my body in any other way.  Please pray for protection against spiritual warfare.

I am grateful for family, for prayer warriors, for God's strength, for God's comfort,  ...and for new wheels for my husband's dune buggy--he is a happy camper:)