"Be still and know that I am God"

Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God".  This is hard for a person like me who is a planner.  I have calendars all over the place and always have things scheduled out.  Well...God is teaching me that I need to be still and wait to hear from Him, trusting that He has the very best for me.

It will be 5 weeks tomorrow since my surgery.  I can't believe how well the recovery is going.  Other than a little soreness, I feel like I am almost back to normal, especially with my strength and energy.  I got my first drain out after one week, and the second one out a week later.  That was a big accomplishment!  Once the drains were out, I started feeling like a whole person. Some things I hope I will never again take for granted are:  the use of my arms, being able to sit up from a lying down position, standing under a hot shower...

During this season of recovery, I am realizing that God wants me healthy in every way--spiritually, emotionally, relationally, and physically.  Those all go hand in hand.  Right now I am able to spend more time in His Word than ever before.  I started walking daily to get my physical strength back, but I have discovered that it is also a great way to grow emotionally and spiritually. In the first week after surgery I could only make it about a half a block.  Soon I was able to push it to a block...then 30 minutes a day.  Now I am walking an hour a day.  It is a blessing to have the energy to do that.

Cancer can take a toll on a person's emotions. Even though I know what the bible says about worry and anxiety I can find myself getting caught up in thoughts that are not healthy, thoughts that will send me on a downward spiral...such as worrying that the cancer isn't gone, or that I will never get back to work, or that I am going to be blindsided again health-wise.  A friend of mine has given me some very good advice.  She says "Don't let 'cancer' get into your head".  When I realize that I am letting it get into my head, I have to literally take the thoughts captive and cast them out as Paul says in 2 Corinthians 10:5, "...take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ".  Taking your thoughts captive is truly a physical discipline.  We have to be very intentional about it and do it over and over again until it becomes habit.  I picture myself literally catching the negative thought in my hands and throwing it away, then replace it with thoughts that are obedient to Christ.

So, where I am at in this journey physically...I am done with chemotherapy.  My body had good response to the chemo but not "complete" response.  My oncologist said that only 20% of people have "complete" response.  That is why we do the next steps.  Surgery is done.  The final pathology showed that the tumors had shrunk down significantly, the skin was negative, however, the two lymph nodes that were removed were positive. Therefore, I will be seeing the radiation oncologist today for her recommendation on radiation therapy.  My oncologist says that with my complete treatment plan (chemotherapy, mastectomy, radiation therapy, weekly Herceptin infusions for a year, daily Arimidex pill for 5 years) puts me in the 90% bracket for no re-occurance.  Praise God!

This opportunity for rest and refocusing is a blessing.  My family is amazing!  My friends are incredibly supportive.  My husband and I have had the opportunity to visit churches in our valley and I am so thrilled to see what God is doing everywhere.  Psalm 46 starts out with "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble", and ends with "The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress".  Verse 10 says "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth".  Sometimes our calendars and plans need to be put aside and we need to be still and know that He is God.  He is completely in control and I, for one, am resting in that.

May God bless you.
Jane