Chemo treatment is 3/8 of the way done...that is 37.5%...but who's counting:) While the last treatment (March 30) wasn't terrible, it did seem to knock me down a little bit for a longer period of time. It is hard to describe how it feels. The only thing I can compare the physical aftereffects of chemo to is the way a woman feels during the first trimester of pregnancy. I described it that way to a male friend, and he just couldn't relate...sorry:) For those of you who haven't experienced pregnancy, the best way I can describe it is that you just feel "kinda yukky". The chemo education nurse explained to me that my body will probably react to chemo the way it reacted to pregnancy, and I have found that to be very true. I have never vomited from chemo, just as I never vomited from pregnancy. As I did with pregnancy I just feel queezy for a few days following treatment. During those days, my body feels tired, sluggish, and unmotivated. My husband gives me one day after treatment to give into that sluggishness before he makes me get up and go outside and walk. I know exercise is important, but it is hard to get motivated when you feel sluggish and queezy. My daughter says, "Mom, you need to get out in the fresh air". They are so right!
So many of you have encouraged me through this journey. My prayer is that we can encourage one another as we go through storms in our lives. I have been through storms before, and I am definitely going through one right now. The biggest blessing in my life is that through the storms, I know where to find hope and peace. Some days are easier than others, and that is why we need each other to lock arms daily and plunge into the comfort that we can only receive from our Lord and Savior.
This season of my life is one of rest and opportunity for growing closer than I ever imagined to Jesus. Sometimes He takes us as "captive audience" when He wants to speak to us and do something major in our lives. I am NOT saying that God gave me cancer. I don't know where the cancer came from...possibly environmental, possibly genetic, possibly stress. Pain and illness are not from God, but He will certainly use those times in our lives for GOOD beyond our wildest imagination. He knew I would go through this, and He is allowing me to feel His arms tight around me the entire time. His Word tells me to be strong and courageous, that He will never fail or forsake me. His Word says, "Be still and know that I am God", Psalm 46:10. He will heal my body, and in the meanwhile He will shape me and mold me into who He wants me to be.
During these days before Easter (Resurrection Sunday), I am reminded of the suffering that Jesus went through as He went to the cross to be the sacrifice for the sins of humanity--for my sin, for your sin. As He prayed the night before His death, He said, "O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will but as You will." Jesus Himself didn't want to go through physical suffering, but He was in complete submission to the Will of God. My discomfort with my illness is nothing compared to the suffering Jesus went through. Am I willing to drink from the cup of suffering so that the greater Will of God will be accomplished. You bet! Jesus rose from the dead and now lives and gives us eternal life as well. I am excited about the transformation He is making in my life as He brings me through this storm. I know His Will is perfect, so I can't wait to see how He will use me.
I pray that you have a wonderful Easter Sunday remembering that it is the day that our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ rose from the dead. God bless you!
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