LIFE after Cancer—Find the Silver Lining

I can’t believe almost 2 years have gone by since I got that dreaded diagnosis of breast cancer!  My last infusion was in June, 2013!  That ended a year and a half of intense cancer treatment. Whew, what a whirlwind!  My calendar looks very different today than it did a year ago.  Thankfully, entries on the calendar have changed from doctor appointments, infusions, labs, and scans…to family gatherings, trips, meetings, and volunteering.  I feel like I came through the storm, and now I’m experiencing the rainbow. 

We didn’t get to the rainbow without a few dark clouds and rain showers though. Just as I thought I was about done with treatments, that we had kicked cancer in the backside, I started experiencing pretty severe shortness of breath and pain when I inhale.  The symptoms progressed, so I was sent to a pulmonologist, and then to a cardiologist.  My work-up with those specialists included: chest x-ray, pulmonary function tests, CT Angiogram, PET CT, bronchoscopy with biopsies, cardiolite stress test, and ten weeks on a steroid.  Thankfully, I now know everything that I don’t have!  I don’t have TB, blood clots, infection, cancer, or heart damage! Praise God!  I do, however, have some scarring on the right upper lobe of my lungs.  For some reason, doctors have not put their finger on the cause, although I know in my heart, it is damage from the radiation.  When you consider the job that the radiation had to accomplish, I’m not really surprised that there was some collateral damage.  Again, I’m thankful that I am cancer free at this time, and by the grace of God, I am overcoming this lung problem.

To quote a song I heard the other day, “Gotta face the clouds to find the silver lining”.  That truly spoke to me!  As I write this, I am sitting on an airplane looking down at big puffy white clouds, but sometimes we have dark intimidating clouds come into our lives.  The massive storm that I faced passed, but it left in its wake some dark clouds that held scattered showers.  As I went through test after test, I felt the presence of God.  I felt His peace and His voice reminding me of the mission He had called me to when I first got my diagnosis of breast cancer.  That calling was to use my testimony as I walked through it and minister to others going through pain.  Through Christ, with my family and medical team, I overcame breast cancer, and I am now faced with the opportunity to persevere in prayer and overcome the lung damage.  I know that Jesus came to give us life and life to the full…So, I decided I was not going to spend another day letting my lung issues control my life.  Praying constantly, I started out slow, but I am now walking 3 miles per day, and feeling great! Praise the Lord!  I am seeing the silver lining to that cloud that entered my life for a while.

I know it is no coincidence that the sermon at my church last week was about living life “on mission”.  What a great reminder!  We are not all called to go on a mission trip to Africa or India…but when we know Christ as our Savior, we are all called to live “on mission”.  Wherever God places us in life is our mission field.  I, for one, want to say “Here I am Lord! Send me!” 

I pray that God will bless you and your family richly this Thanksgiving.  We have much to be thankful for.  If you sit down and list your blessings…I guarantee you will run out of paperJ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=WiBNkZHOBI8 (What Faith Can Do, by Kutless)

"Be still and know that I am God"

Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God".  This is hard for a person like me who is a planner.  I have calendars all over the place and always have things scheduled out.  Well...God is teaching me that I need to be still and wait to hear from Him, trusting that He has the very best for me.

It will be 5 weeks tomorrow since my surgery.  I can't believe how well the recovery is going.  Other than a little soreness, I feel like I am almost back to normal, especially with my strength and energy.  I got my first drain out after one week, and the second one out a week later.  That was a big accomplishment!  Once the drains were out, I started feeling like a whole person. Some things I hope I will never again take for granted are:  the use of my arms, being able to sit up from a lying down position, standing under a hot shower...

During this season of recovery, I am realizing that God wants me healthy in every way--spiritually, emotionally, relationally, and physically.  Those all go hand in hand.  Right now I am able to spend more time in His Word than ever before.  I started walking daily to get my physical strength back, but I have discovered that it is also a great way to grow emotionally and spiritually. In the first week after surgery I could only make it about a half a block.  Soon I was able to push it to a block...then 30 minutes a day.  Now I am walking an hour a day.  It is a blessing to have the energy to do that.

Cancer can take a toll on a person's emotions. Even though I know what the bible says about worry and anxiety I can find myself getting caught up in thoughts that are not healthy, thoughts that will send me on a downward spiral...such as worrying that the cancer isn't gone, or that I will never get back to work, or that I am going to be blindsided again health-wise.  A friend of mine has given me some very good advice.  She says "Don't let 'cancer' get into your head".  When I realize that I am letting it get into my head, I have to literally take the thoughts captive and cast them out as Paul says in 2 Corinthians 10:5, "...take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ".  Taking your thoughts captive is truly a physical discipline.  We have to be very intentional about it and do it over and over again until it becomes habit.  I picture myself literally catching the negative thought in my hands and throwing it away, then replace it with thoughts that are obedient to Christ.

So, where I am at in this journey physically...I am done with chemotherapy.  My body had good response to the chemo but not "complete" response.  My oncologist said that only 20% of people have "complete" response.  That is why we do the next steps.  Surgery is done.  The final pathology showed that the tumors had shrunk down significantly, the skin was negative, however, the two lymph nodes that were removed were positive. Therefore, I will be seeing the radiation oncologist today for her recommendation on radiation therapy.  My oncologist says that with my complete treatment plan (chemotherapy, mastectomy, radiation therapy, weekly Herceptin infusions for a year, daily Arimidex pill for 5 years) puts me in the 90% bracket for no re-occurance.  Praise God!

This opportunity for rest and refocusing is a blessing.  My family is amazing!  My friends are incredibly supportive.  My husband and I have had the opportunity to visit churches in our valley and I am so thrilled to see what God is doing everywhere.  Psalm 46 starts out with "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble", and ends with "The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress".  Verse 10 says "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth".  Sometimes our calendars and plans need to be put aside and we need to be still and know that He is God.  He is completely in control and I, for one, am resting in that.

May God bless you.
Jane

One week post op!

I can't believe it has been a whole week since my surgery!  My recovery is going well--All praise to God!

As my son, Pat, said last week, the surgery went well.  We arrived at the hospital at 9:00 am, got checked in and then I was sent to Nuclear Medicine.  The radiologist had to inject an isotope into me so the surgeon would be able to track the lymphatic system and remove my "sentinel lymph node".  This node had to be sent to pathology after surgery.  I must say--OUCH!  that procedure hurt.  The radiologist was super nice and apologetic, but I am praising God is was a short procedure because it wasn't fun:)

Back to my preop room I went.  I was so impressed with the facility and staff at Loma Linda Murrieta.  They welcome family to be with the patient.  They never made us feel like we were an inconvenience. I felt like I received the ultimate in good care.  Did you know that hospitals now have a way for the patient to control the temperature in their own personal space???  Inside the gown I had on, there is a pocket which has an air-hose connected to it.  The nurse gave me a temperature control device that I could turn to warmer or cooler depending on how I felt. That controlled the temperature of the air going into my gown! Awesome!

The surgeons were running a little behind, so my surgery start time was delayed.  I think the hardest part about waiting was the fact that I couldn't have even water all day.  I think I went to surgery at about 2:00, so I was happy to go to sleep.  (That's one way to escape from thirst).

Next thing I knew, I woke up in this beautiful room that looked like the Marriott and my family was all there surrounding me.  What a wonderfully welcome sight!  The night went well, and the next day went well.  I was discharged home, and left after I ate my first solid meal around 6:00 pm.  The surgeons stressed the importance of going home as soon as possible because of the risk of contracting infection in the hospital.  They explained that it would be much better to get home as soon as I was physically able.  My husband and a wonderful friend who is an RN took very good care of me.  I am blessed with amazing family and friends.  All of my needs--physical, emotional, and spiritual are cared for.  God is so faithful.  He has carried me through this second big segment of my journey.

Now I am one week post op.  I haven't had any actual "pain", I just experience soreness and discomfort.  I have two drains that are doing well and the amount is decreasing.  I think that is a really good sign...I'll know more tomorrow after I see the Plastic Surgeon.  I am hoping that he will remove the drains, but I have a feeling he might leave them a while longer.  I will be happy if he at least allows me to remove the ace wrap that has me feeling like a sausage.  Now I know how ladies used to feel when they wore "girdles":)

Thank you so much for your continued faithful prayer.  God is answering.  He is carrying us through this time.  I was blessed with coming through chemotherapy healthy and strong.  God was truly the Great Physician in the operating room last week. He guided the surgeons' hands and I am healing at a remarkable rate.  Please pray that my body continues to heal and that I don't develop any infections.  My strength is coming back and I am anxious to get the "OK" to use my arms.

I know He has great plans, so even when we go through storms we have to rejoice and know that HE is in control.

God bless you,
Jane

Out Of Surgery!

She made it! This is her son, Pat, filling in for tonights installment of Jane's Journey. Today went over very well. The only hick up was that the doctors ran about two hours late. The surgery was at the new Loma Linda Hospital in Menifee. Let me tell you, that is one real nice place. The facility is increadable, and staff was super nice. They finally got her rolled out of surgery around 7:30 in the evening, and into her recovery room by 8:30 where, at that time she could see visitors and finally get her long awaited ice chips. According to her, they were the best ice chips she has ever eaten. Her spirits were high, and looked about as good as you could expect.
Moving forward, she could be released as early as tomorrow if she is feeling up to it. There will be the obliglatory doctors visits with the primary doctor and the plastic surgans, as well as the radiaton therapy. She is thanking god that this chapter of the battle is drawing to a close. She wanted me to pass on to you all her thanks for keeping her in your thoughts and prayers. Please keep it up! That is all for this evening.

Pat

The big day is here! Surgery at 1:00pm

Oh, I have been so bad about keeping my blog updated:(  I think it has been 6 or 8 weeks since I have written an update.  A lot of things have happened!

I finished chemo 4 1/2 weeks ago. YEA!!!! I am so happy to know that each day I feel better, I'm not just preparing for another dose of poison.  I learned the depth of the truth of Proverbs 31: 30, " Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised".  Anyone that has just skin deep beauty will have a rude awakening if they ever get cancer.  I have to admit I have a little bit of vanity in me.  I got my rude awakening when my hair fell out, my fingernails and toenails fell off, I got covered with a rash, and to top it all of, my eyes kept tearing and tearing.  I had to carry a Kleenex around with me to constantly wipe my eyes--of course that's a problem you deal with when you only have 6 eyelashes left:)

I'm not complaining...I'm so excited!  Tomorrow (actually today) is surgery day.  Do you ever look forward to something when it is far away, and then when it gets close you get a little apprehensive????  Well...that's me right now.  I am feeling a little bit of anxiety, but I have a tremendous amount of prayer support.  I couldn't ask for more.  God is just carrying me though the process.  The biggest thing I was dreading was the anesthesia, but instead, as I have had such a crazy rough week, now I have a new perspective on anesthesia---I'm looking forward to it!!! I will count "10...9...8......and I will be in lala land, happy as can be.  See, God changed my perspective from one week to the next.

God also beautifully orchestrated some tricky things together to get me the surgeons that I want, the procedure that I want, and the hospital that I want.  Originally my insurance gave me a surgeon that only practices at Hemet Hospital, and a Plastic Surgeon that practices everywhere except Hemet Hospital.  After a little whining and complaining, I got a referral to Loma Linda Hospital in Murrieta, a wonderful new surgeon, and my plactic surgeon whom I love.  God just works everything together so nicely.

I will get to the hospital at 9:00 am Tuesday morning, get checked in and prepped and go to Nuclear Med.  Then I will get an injection, and go back to finish getting ready for surgery.  My case starts at 1:00.  I am so blessed to have two amazing surgeons in the operating room with me.  I will have bilateral mastectomy and they will start the reconstruction immediately, with the Plastic Surgeon placing "expanders".

Please play for me, and pray for my family.  It will be a very long day.  I believe the surgery takes about 5 hours.  God's arms have been around me all this time, I have complete confidence that he will continue to keep me in His arms:).  His Word says He will never fail or forsake me.  I believe that!

My daughter will be updating my blog while mom is under the weather.  God bless you.  We covet your prayer and your comments.

God bless you,
Jane

Thank you for your prayer!

Praise God for answered prayer!

I am on day eight after chemo, and I am happy to report that I am actually feeling pretty good!  I kept waiting to get slammed, but it really never happened.  The side effects this week were probably only about 30% of what I experienced with the first dose of Taxotier.  I think my biggest complaint this time is extremely dry skin, dry nose and mouth.  I have been a little tired, but nothing like the last time.  I think that my body was shocked at the new medicine and freaked out.  Now it is starting to realize that this is our new normal.  However, I am soooo happy to say that 3 weeks from today I will have my last chemo infusion! June 8!  After that I will need to let my body recover for 3 to 4 weeks, and then go to surgery.

Speaking of surgery...  I had my consultation with the Plastic Surgeon yesterday.  He was so nice--extremely caring, calming, and very patient as he explained each step of my options and answered every one of my 1,000,000 questions. Best of all...he is going to call my surgeon and my oncologist and coordinate my care.  I thought I was going to have to do that, so that news was load off my plate.

As God is carrying me through this trying time in my life, I am blown away at the blessings that He constantly showers me with.  When I contemplate on the blessings, I have tears in my eyes.  These are blessings that give me deep peace and indescribable joy. I would love to share some of the blessings that blow my socks off and leave me in awe of my Creator:

...I have a husband that loves me very much and would do anything in the world for me
...Our three sons, our daughter, our three daughters-in-law, our son-in-law who love us and are constantly there for us.
...A Mother's Day weekend where I got to spend hours and hours with every one of my kids and their beautiful families
...A season of opportunity to slow down my life and evaluate my priorities.  I value my time with God first, my husband second, my family third, and everything else after that.
,..My precious little 7 year old granddaughter, Riley, who couldn't wait to tell me last Thursday morning that she had prayed and asked Jesus into her heart.  Wow! That made me cry!
...My bright eyed darling little 6 year old granddaughter, Karley. As we were on our way to school, I asked her how her day is...she said "I'm on top of the world!".  She gave me a beautiful new perspective on life.
...My sweet 11 year old grandson, Cameron, (the only boy) who is very concerned about how my chemo is going. It really bothered him that my fingertips were numb after my last treatment, so he checks on me and shows me how much he loves me
...My beautiful 15 year old granddaughter, Taryn, whose sweet nature makes her comforting and fun to spend time with. What a blessing she is!
...My precious 13 year old granddaughter, Haley, who always shows her love for me by calling me, coming over to visit, and writing and singing songs.
...My  beautiful 19 year old granddaughter, Shaela, who has grown into a young woman that I am very proud of.  She is a blessing in our lives...and we have fun coffee dates!
...Our newest granddaughter, Amber.  Our 10 year old sweet little girl who is blending into our family beautifully and is starting to get comfortable calling us grandma and papa.
...The opportunity that God has given me to do a bible study each Wednesday morning with some absolutely amazing women--good friends!
...My church family!  I cannot even begin to explain the love, support, and comfort I get from my extended familly--the church.  This family prays diligently for me, brings us meals, sends us encouraging messages.  What would I do without them?
...The opportunity that I had to share Jesus with an old friend.  What an awesome blessing!
...The fact that my body is responding so well to treatment.

Have a blessed week!
Jane

Gearing up for Round Six

What a different and crazy couple of weeks!  I have been on a bit of a roller coaster and have been negligent with my blog;(  

I just reread my last post (April 17) and saw that I was whining about not feeling good for two days and then looking forward to what I thought I understood my doctor to say, "less side effects" with Taxotier, which is the chemo I received on April 27.  Well...for clarification, the doctor actually said "less nausea side effects" with Taxotier.  My ears chose to just hear "less side effects", and that's what I was counting on.  On April 27 I had my first dose of Taxotier and my first dose of Herceptin.  I came home and felt good.  Saturday, I felt good.  Sunday, it hit...and lasted for a full week.  The doctor was completely accurate when he said "less nausea side effects".  In fact, nausea hasn't even been an issue with this chemo.  All the other side effects are what knocked me on my back side.

I'll start with a disclaimer...I might be whining a little, but I absolutely realize that I don't have it nearly as bad as many others.  I am incredibly blessed!  Prayers are being answered, I feel the arms of my Father around me, and I lift up in prayer all  those that are suffering physically, emotionally or spiritually.  

My body is experiencing side effects from Taxotier very differently from the previous chemotherapy drugs.  The major problem was extreme fatigue.  One would think "Well if you are tired, just go to sleep".  It's not quite that easy.  For me, as I was going through this, sleep wasn't restful.  I woke up as tired as I was when I went to sleep.  I felt a complete lack of motivation, where even taking a shower required major amounts of effort. Here is an example of how the fatigue knocked me down:  On day seven after chemo, I was invited by a friend to go to Glen Ivy Spa for her birthday.  What a wonderful relaxing day that would be...Well, I could not muster up the energy to even do that.  Much to my disappointment, I had to decline.  The biggest problem with the fatigue for me is that it messed with my attitude.  I got very discouraged for a few days.  

Another miserable side effect of the chemo has been an extremely sore mouth, and I can actually taste the chemo.  I think that is a constant reminder that it is poison that is being infused into my body to kill those cancer cells.  This was a big problem for about 10 days.  Thank God I have not gotten actual sores in my mouth (which is a common side effect), but I have had a very sore mouth in general.  Probably the third most difficult side effect that I've been dealing with is "neuropathy" in my fingertips.  That is numbness and tingling in my fingertips, and sore fingernails beds.  

As these symptoms have subsided over the past few days and my strength, stamina, and good attitude are rebuilding, I am gearing up for dose #2 of Taxotier and Herceptin.  That crummy feeling is becoming a fading memory already.  I am so thankful for the way God made our bodies to quickly repair itself when something goes wrong with it.  My strength is good today in all aspects--physical, emotional, and spiritual.  I am sitting here with God's Word putting on my armor for battle. We are going to team up with chemotherapy and destroy that cancer!!!

Thank you for standing beside me in this battle.  With God on my side and your prayer support, I know we already have this thing conquered.

Please pray for the chemo infusion today--that God will use it to do its job and not harm the rest of my body.  Please pray that as I go through the next week that the power of Jesus Christ will be most evident in my life and through that power I will rebuke the discouragement that wants to set in.  God is in control and I am so grateful for that!

I promise I won't be such a flake with my blog updates this time--even if I don't feel good:)

God bless you!

Jane