Thank you for your prayer!

Praise God for answered prayer!

I am on day eight after chemo, and I am happy to report that I am actually feeling pretty good!  I kept waiting to get slammed, but it really never happened.  The side effects this week were probably only about 30% of what I experienced with the first dose of Taxotier.  I think my biggest complaint this time is extremely dry skin, dry nose and mouth.  I have been a little tired, but nothing like the last time.  I think that my body was shocked at the new medicine and freaked out.  Now it is starting to realize that this is our new normal.  However, I am soooo happy to say that 3 weeks from today I will have my last chemo infusion! June 8!  After that I will need to let my body recover for 3 to 4 weeks, and then go to surgery.

Speaking of surgery...  I had my consultation with the Plastic Surgeon yesterday.  He was so nice--extremely caring, calming, and very patient as he explained each step of my options and answered every one of my 1,000,000 questions. Best of all...he is going to call my surgeon and my oncologist and coordinate my care.  I thought I was going to have to do that, so that news was load off my plate.

As God is carrying me through this trying time in my life, I am blown away at the blessings that He constantly showers me with.  When I contemplate on the blessings, I have tears in my eyes.  These are blessings that give me deep peace and indescribable joy. I would love to share some of the blessings that blow my socks off and leave me in awe of my Creator:

...I have a husband that loves me very much and would do anything in the world for me
...Our three sons, our daughter, our three daughters-in-law, our son-in-law who love us and are constantly there for us.
...A Mother's Day weekend where I got to spend hours and hours with every one of my kids and their beautiful families
...A season of opportunity to slow down my life and evaluate my priorities.  I value my time with God first, my husband second, my family third, and everything else after that.
,..My precious little 7 year old granddaughter, Riley, who couldn't wait to tell me last Thursday morning that she had prayed and asked Jesus into her heart.  Wow! That made me cry!
...My bright eyed darling little 6 year old granddaughter, Karley. As we were on our way to school, I asked her how her day is...she said "I'm on top of the world!".  She gave me a beautiful new perspective on life.
...My sweet 11 year old grandson, Cameron, (the only boy) who is very concerned about how my chemo is going. It really bothered him that my fingertips were numb after my last treatment, so he checks on me and shows me how much he loves me
...My beautiful 15 year old granddaughter, Taryn, whose sweet nature makes her comforting and fun to spend time with. What a blessing she is!
...My precious 13 year old granddaughter, Haley, who always shows her love for me by calling me, coming over to visit, and writing and singing songs.
...My  beautiful 19 year old granddaughter, Shaela, who has grown into a young woman that I am very proud of.  She is a blessing in our lives...and we have fun coffee dates!
...Our newest granddaughter, Amber.  Our 10 year old sweet little girl who is blending into our family beautifully and is starting to get comfortable calling us grandma and papa.
...The opportunity that God has given me to do a bible study each Wednesday morning with some absolutely amazing women--good friends!
...My church family!  I cannot even begin to explain the love, support, and comfort I get from my extended familly--the church.  This family prays diligently for me, brings us meals, sends us encouraging messages.  What would I do without them?
...The opportunity that I had to share Jesus with an old friend.  What an awesome blessing!
...The fact that my body is responding so well to treatment.

Have a blessed week!
Jane

Gearing up for Round Six

What a different and crazy couple of weeks!  I have been on a bit of a roller coaster and have been negligent with my blog;(  

I just reread my last post (April 17) and saw that I was whining about not feeling good for two days and then looking forward to what I thought I understood my doctor to say, "less side effects" with Taxotier, which is the chemo I received on April 27.  Well...for clarification, the doctor actually said "less nausea side effects" with Taxotier.  My ears chose to just hear "less side effects", and that's what I was counting on.  On April 27 I had my first dose of Taxotier and my first dose of Herceptin.  I came home and felt good.  Saturday, I felt good.  Sunday, it hit...and lasted for a full week.  The doctor was completely accurate when he said "less nausea side effects".  In fact, nausea hasn't even been an issue with this chemo.  All the other side effects are what knocked me on my back side.

I'll start with a disclaimer...I might be whining a little, but I absolutely realize that I don't have it nearly as bad as many others.  I am incredibly blessed!  Prayers are being answered, I feel the arms of my Father around me, and I lift up in prayer all  those that are suffering physically, emotionally or spiritually.  

My body is experiencing side effects from Taxotier very differently from the previous chemotherapy drugs.  The major problem was extreme fatigue.  One would think "Well if you are tired, just go to sleep".  It's not quite that easy.  For me, as I was going through this, sleep wasn't restful.  I woke up as tired as I was when I went to sleep.  I felt a complete lack of motivation, where even taking a shower required major amounts of effort. Here is an example of how the fatigue knocked me down:  On day seven after chemo, I was invited by a friend to go to Glen Ivy Spa for her birthday.  What a wonderful relaxing day that would be...Well, I could not muster up the energy to even do that.  Much to my disappointment, I had to decline.  The biggest problem with the fatigue for me is that it messed with my attitude.  I got very discouraged for a few days.  

Another miserable side effect of the chemo has been an extremely sore mouth, and I can actually taste the chemo.  I think that is a constant reminder that it is poison that is being infused into my body to kill those cancer cells.  This was a big problem for about 10 days.  Thank God I have not gotten actual sores in my mouth (which is a common side effect), but I have had a very sore mouth in general.  Probably the third most difficult side effect that I've been dealing with is "neuropathy" in my fingertips.  That is numbness and tingling in my fingertips, and sore fingernails beds.  

As these symptoms have subsided over the past few days and my strength, stamina, and good attitude are rebuilding, I am gearing up for dose #2 of Taxotier and Herceptin.  That crummy feeling is becoming a fading memory already.  I am so thankful for the way God made our bodies to quickly repair itself when something goes wrong with it.  My strength is good today in all aspects--physical, emotional, and spiritual.  I am sitting here with God's Word putting on my armor for battle. We are going to team up with chemotherapy and destroy that cancer!!!

Thank you for standing beside me in this battle.  With God on my side and your prayer support, I know we already have this thing conquered.

Please pray for the chemo infusion today--that God will use it to do its job and not harm the rest of my body.  Please pray that as I go through the next week that the power of Jesus Christ will be most evident in my life and through that power I will rebuke the discouragement that wants to set in.  God is in control and I am so grateful for that!

I promise I won't be such a flake with my blog updates this time--even if I don't feel good:)

God bless you!

Jane

4 rounds down, 4 to go

I'm so happy to say...I am 50% done with chemotherapy! Actually, I am completely done with two of the chemo meds (I had four rounds of Adriamycin and Cytoxin--COMPLETED!!! YEA!!!).  The next four rounds will be a chemo called Taxotier.  The doctor said the side effects from Taxotier are not as bad as side effects from the two that I have been getting.  I'm holding him at his word on that!  I will also be getting the Herceptin infusion simultaneously with the Taxotier, but Herceptin will be weekly.  From what I understand, there are no side effects from Herceptin.  Praise God for "no side effects"!  Praise God also for the Neupagen shots that I get daily--my white count has stayed at the high end of normal throughout treatment so far.  This keeps me from being at high risk for contracting infection.

Thank you for your prayers.  God is so faithful!  I saw the doctor on Friday before chemo, and he gave me good news that he can no longer feel the lumps at all--which means the chemo is doing its job and shrinking the tumors.  Also, the skin redness is gone...which means...either it is IBC (Inflammatory Breast Cancer) and the chemo is working, or it is not IBC and the redness is just disappearing.  We don't want it to be IBC, and tests have been inconclusive, but as I have said in previous posts, it has to be treated as if it is IBC.   No matter what, God is the Great Physician and He is in control!  He is healing my body.  

If I trust that God is in control, why am I so weak?  I know He will heal me, and I know that He works all things together for the good of those who love him.  I definitely love Him!  But when I don't feel good, I have a hard time trusting that promise.  With this round of chemo, I didn't get sick Friday night.  In fact I felt good.  Saturday I felt so good that we went to a movie.  Ugh...Sunday it hit!  I was pretty miserable Sunday and most of Monday.  It is in those times that I  call out to God and ask to feel His arms around me...I feel scared, although I believe that God is teaching me what He wants me to know.   I have so much to learn about faith and patience.  The Bible says in James 1:2-4, "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.  But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."  Okay God, I failed the test this time; however, this test did produce patience.  I waited patiently (well, sort of patiently) for the flu like symptoms to go away.  I slept away most of the two days. By Monday evening, I started to feel better.  My husband hauled me out of the house to take a walk around the block last night.  The air was fresh, the sky was beautiful, the exercise got my blood flowing.  Today, I woke up to a beautiful new day, the sun is shining and I feel good.  I even feel good enough to have my coffee--that is a good thing! :)

God, thank you for tests and trials. Thank you for your faithfulness even when I am not. Father, please help me be teachable, grow in faith, and draw on the strength of Jesus Christ, Your Son, my Lord.

Thank you to Terri, Tamie, Heidi, Ann, and Jolene for bringing meals to my home.  Thank you Pat, Amy, Shaela, and Veronica for my dill pickles (yes...that's a chemo craving)!!!!  Thank you Tami for taking me for my chemo appointments and staying with me to help me through those rough days.  Thank you to all my kids and grandkids for being there for me.  Thank you to my amazing faithful friends.  Thank you to my husband for keeping a sense of humor, for loving me through this, and for making me go out for walks.

In the Power of Christ,
Jane

Prayed up and ready to go to battle, Round 4!

Come on chemo--let's do this!  Going in for round 4 today.  As I pray, I know that I am standing in prayer with hundreds of my friends and fellow prayer warriors.  ...God, today I THANK you in advance for your Almighty Power-- that you will have the chemo medication go into my body and do the job that YOU want it to do.  That it will kill the cancer cells and not harm any other part of my body.  God, you are the Great Physician! Lord, you are in control!  God, please let your light shine through me and bless those that I come into contact with today.  Amen.

3 rounds down, 5 to go

Chemo treatment is 3/8 of the way done...that is 37.5%...but who's counting:)  While the last treatment (March 30) wasn't terrible, it did seem to knock me down a little bit for a longer period of time.  It is hard to describe how it feels.  The only thing I can compare the physical aftereffects of chemo to is the way a woman feels during the first trimester of pregnancy.  I described it that way to a male friend, and he just couldn't relate...sorry:)  For those of you who haven't experienced pregnancy, the best way I can describe it is that you just feel "kinda yukky".  The chemo education nurse explained to me that my body will probably react to chemo the way it reacted to pregnancy, and I have found that to be very true.  I have never vomited from chemo, just as I never vomited from pregnancy. As I did with pregnancy I just feel queezy for a few days following treatment.  During those days, my body feels tired, sluggish, and unmotivated.  My husband gives me one day after treatment to give into that sluggishness before he makes me get up and go outside and walk.  I know exercise is important, but it is hard to get motivated when you feel sluggish and queezy.  My daughter says, "Mom, you need to get out in the fresh air".  They are so right!

So many of you have encouraged me through this journey.  My prayer is that we can encourage one another as we go through storms in our lives.  I have been through storms before, and I am definitely going through one right now.  The biggest blessing in my life is that through the storms, I know where to find hope and peace.  Some days are easier than others, and that is why we need each other to lock arms daily and plunge into the comfort that we can only receive from our Lord and Savior.

This season of my life is one of rest and opportunity for growing closer than I ever imagined to Jesus.  Sometimes He takes us as "captive audience" when He wants to speak to us and do something major in our lives. I am NOT saying that God gave me cancer.  I don't know where the cancer came from...possibly environmental, possibly genetic, possibly stress.  Pain and illness are not from God, but He will certainly use those times in our lives for GOOD beyond our wildest imagination.  He knew I would go through this, and He is allowing me to feel His arms tight around me the entire time.  His Word tells me to be strong and courageous, that He will never fail or forsake me.  His Word says, "Be still and know that I am God", Psalm 46:10.  He will heal my body, and in the meanwhile He will shape me and mold me into who He wants me to be.

During these days before Easter (Resurrection Sunday), I am reminded of the suffering that Jesus went through as He went to the cross to be the sacrifice for the sins of humanity--for my sin, for your sin.  As He prayed the night before His death, He said, "O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will but as You will."  Jesus Himself didn't want to go through physical suffering, but He was in complete submission to the Will of God. My discomfort with my illness is nothing compared to the suffering Jesus went through.  Am I willing to drink from the cup of suffering so that the greater Will of God will be accomplished.  You bet!   Jesus rose from the dead and now lives and gives us eternal life as well.  I am excited about the transformation He is making in my life as He brings me through this storm.  I know His Will is perfect, so I can't wait to see how He will use me.

I pray that you have a wonderful Easter Sunday remembering that it is the day that our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ rose from the dead.  God bless you!

Transformation by the Renewal of the mind

 The bible says, "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God", Romans 12:2

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I was plucked out of my life as I knew it. I went through a period of emotional turmoil.  I was bewildered and asked, "God, why is this happening?  I live my life to serve you!  Why would you stop me in my tracks?"  I did a little kicking and screaming as my life (which I loved) went on "pause".  At the same time, I knew in my spirit that His Will is perfect, and that I would see the blessings...eventually.  It is just hard to rest in that total comfort, in scary circumstances, when we don't understand the reason.  Generally, I'm the type of person that needs to know the reason for things, and then I will jump on board with making it happen.  In this case, as in the case of all 'speed bumps' in our lives, I was told I don't need to know or understand the reason, I just need to trust Him, submit to His Will, and know that something is going to happen that will blow my socks off.

God is truly having me go through a season of rest. He has orchestrated it all so flawlessly.   My hectic schedule has come to a screeching halt.  I now sleep 8-9 hours at night...plus a nap!  I read, I rest, I spend time with loved ones, and of course...I show up for all my appointments.  With my course of treatment, I get two days every two weeks completely free--where I have no shot, no lab work, no chemo.  I was able to reserve a beachfront spot at Silver Strand State Beach for those three nights.  My husband and I brought our motor home down and parked it so the big front window is right on the beach!  The beautiful Pacific Ocean is our front yard for three days!

Wow!  What a beautiful revelation of how God wants to renew my mind.  Hour after hour I watch the waves roll in and then gently slide back out.  I am amazed by the power of our God. As I watch the birds tirelessly hunt for food, I am reminded of the words of Jesus in Matthew 6:26, "Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not of more value than they?"  As I watch the sun set behind the seemingly endless ocean, I am reminded of His faithfulness.  He never changes, He is always faithful.  As I walk on the beach and fill my lungs with beautiful fresh air, I am reminded of how blessed I am.

During this time that I have had at the beach, I have realized that God truly wants  to be alone with me.  He wants my undivided attention.  Usually I am unable to discern His Will because my mind  gets caught up in things of the world. I am distracted so I don't sense His nearness.  I don't know about you, but I kind of push Him to the side while I handle life's issues--even when they are good issues, such as parenting, such as working, such as serving in ministry--they are still issues that are keeping us distracted from His loving presence.

Right now, I am basking in the illumination of God's whispering to me.  He says, "Give yourself fully to this adventure of increasing attentiveness to My Presence."  My mind is clear right now.  I am living in great anticipation of what He is going to do through my illness and healing. I have rest and peace right now.  I feel  honored to be drawn so close to my Creator right now as He transforms my mind and transforms my life.   His words in Jeremiah 29:11 say, "I also know the plans I have for you: plans to prosper you an not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  I trust that promise, and can hardly wait to see what His plans are to prosper me.

As I move forward in this battle, as Chemo Friday gets closer, I am clinging to what God gave me, "Give yourself fully to this adventure of increasing attentiveness to My Presence".  I will see Him and experience His arms around me in each moment.  I want to be like Him and I want my mind renewed by him.

As I approach round 3, I know that "with God all things are possible" Matt 19:26. He is an all powerful God, an almighty God who has power to stop the elements and calm the storm.  He is with me in this storm, and I can't wait to see the beautiful results of a good strong storm through which my powerful Creator carried me,

Will you please share with us what your storms have been and  how God renewed your mind, and brought you through the storm as a beautiful fresh creation in Christ? I can't wait to read your story and hold it us as a testimony as to God's faithfulness.

Please pray for me that chemo this Friday goes flawlessly--that the medicine does its job on the cancer cells and leaves the rest of my body healthy.

God bless you,
Jane

2 rounds down, 6 to go

I'm so happy to say I have two doses of chemo done!  That means I am 1/4 of the way done with the chemo treatment part of this journey.

In my last post, I complained a little bit about the discomfort of the porta cath procedure...but I sure was grateful for it on the day of chemo (another example of perspective change).  It made the infusion so easy.   The nurse was very cautious and made absolutely sure that the tubing was in place because the effects of the Adriamycin leaking out of the vein is very destructive to the tissue.  I was premedicated with antinausea medicine, and we started the infusion.  I made wiser choices about what I ate for lunch after the infusion this time, so because of that and lots of prayer, I wasn't too nauseated.  It was much less intense than last time.  I did feel under the weather Thursday and Friday, but by Saturday I felt pretty good.

Two more major things happened on Thursday--My hair fell out, and I found out that because of the type of cancer we are fighting, I will be having infusions of an antibody (Herceptin) once a week for one year.

I had been preparing for the time that my hair would come out, but there is really no way to completely emotionally prepare.  Of course all my sons have buzzed heads, so they are standing in unison with me:)  I spent two days with my hair coming out in clumps, so on Friday night Tami and Amy got out the clippers and buzzed my head.  Wow!!!  That was a weird experience.  I don't like the "look" much, but I must admit...showering with a bald head is awesome--it is like a scalp massage.  Now I will be able to participate in the discussions my sons have about how they wash and condition their scalps:):):)  We took video, but I don't think I'm ready to share that yet.  I have lots of knit hats and two wigs, but sometimes it just feels better to have nothing on my head.  However, that is a look I am not quite comfortable with yet.  Is that vanity???

The second new news I got on Thursday was about the need for weekly infusions of Herceptin for one year.  From what I understand, breast cancer will be Estrogen, Progesterone, and Her-2-Neu receptive, either positive or negative.  My breast cancer is all three positive.  Because of this I will take a daily pill for 5 years that will block my body from making Estrogen and Progesterone.  Her-2-Neu is a protein that the cancer cells are overproducing. This type of cancer tends to be more aggressive.  (I guess that explains why I had a completely negative mammogram one year ago, and today it is where it is).   They have found that infusions of an antibody (1-3 weeks apart) are very effective in treating this type of cancer cells.  My doctor says he likes to follow the most conservative treatment plan which would be infusions once a week.  If you are interested in more information on this, I looked it up on this website, http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/breast-cancer/AN00495,  I am grateful for this treatment, and was very happy to learn that there are no side effects like nausea, hair loss, fatigue, etc.  My doctor said I will just come in once a week for the one hour appointment and then go on with my life as normal.  Hurray for "Normal"--that is what I am looking forward to.

So, life moves forward! I am so grateful for the easy infusion of chemo this week.  I am grateful for the mild side effects.  I am grateful for my daughter and daughters-in-law, helping me to be "fun and stylish" through this storm:)  Praise God for strength and healing!  I thank God for wrapping His arms around me during this storm.  My family and I are so thankful for the meals that our church has brought to us.  I'm thankful for amazing friends. I am thankful for Answered Prayer!

Please continue to stand beside us in prayer. Please pray that God continues to heal my body, pray that this storm will be used to help others who may be in the middle of a storm in their own life.